To Be or Not To Be a Parent: 5 Things to Consider Before Having Children

Picture by Sam Stearman

On the fence or having doubts about having children? You're probably right. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING! And it's better to think about it over and over and be completely sure, before you take the first step on the most important journey of your life (and that of your partner and the child(ren) you're thinking about having).
Several women in my life have told me they do not want to have children, and I have nothing but respect for their choice. I love being a mother, but it's not an easy job! I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn't happen to love it.

Below are five things to run through your mind when deciding whether or not to have children. It's a personal list, so feel free to add or subtract in comments below!

1. Why do you want to have children?
   Probably the most important question to ask yourself is "Why?". There's no right or wrong answer. Just asking the question will clarify things for yourself.
   For example: when we were thinking about it I found research that said that couples without children are happier than those with children. I knew, however, that I wanted a life with as much of the human experience as possible, both good and bad, and that children were a part of that.
   
2. What are your expectations?The worse the better! I'm serious. If you're expecting to get covered in poop while being exhausted and going crazy over a screaming newborn, you're likely to really appreciate the moments your little bundle of joy is sleeping peacefully. If you're expecting to get lots of writing done while your baby is sleeping (um, yes, I thought that would happen) think again!
   
3. What's your baby experience?
   Have you ever looked after a baby for a couple of hours, a whole day? It can throw a clear light on the whole matter. My sister decided to wait a while after she spent some time with our family and saw how much a child can determine your day-to-day activities.
   
4. Can you give it all up?
   A clean house, romantic breakfasts, peaceful evenings, clean clothes, dinner with friends, day-trips, weekends, hobbies? They'll all go out the window, at least for the first few years (depending on how many children you have, and what they're like). Make sure your relationship can taken some shaking too, because tired and grumpy partners are hard to live with.
   
5. Are you in it for the long run?
   I know, it's cliche advice, but in the end if you're heart is in it, all the rest will work itself out. Children grow up fast and before you know it, they're leaving you and you'll be tearing up over it (so I've heard). You don't need tons of money, a house, a car to have a baby. You'll learn to function on less sleep than you thought possible and on a less than existent social life. And the love you feel for this one person becomes the overpowering reason for your existence.

Does that sound like paradise? Then you may just be ready to have children. Remember to take all advice with a grain of salt (including this) and follow your instincts. If all other mammals can keep their cubs, young, piglets or calves alive, I'm sure you'll do just fine!