To Be or Not To Be a Parent: 5 Things to Consider Before Having Children

Picture by Sam Stearman

On the fence or having doubts about having children? You're probably right. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING! And it's better to think about it over and over and be completely sure, before you take the first step on the most important journey of your life (and that of your partner and the child(ren) you're thinking about having).
Several women in my life have told me they do not want to have children, and I have nothing but respect for their choice. I love being a mother, but it's not an easy job! I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn't happen to love it.

Below are five things to run through your mind when deciding whether or not to have children. It's a personal list, so feel free to add or subtract in comments below!

1. Why do you want to have children?
   Probably the most important question to ask yourself is "Why?". There's no right or wrong answer. Just asking the question will clarify things for yourself.
   For example: when we were thinking about it I found research that said that couples without children are happier than those with children. I knew, however, that I wanted a life with as much of the human experience as possible, both good and bad, and that children were a part of that.
   
2. What are your expectations?The worse the better! I'm serious. If you're expecting to get covered in poop while being exhausted and going crazy over a screaming newborn, you're likely to really appreciate the moments your little bundle of joy is sleeping peacefully. If you're expecting to get lots of writing done while your baby is sleeping (um, yes, I thought that would happen) think again!
   
3. What's your baby experience?
   Have you ever looked after a baby for a couple of hours, a whole day? It can throw a clear light on the whole matter. My sister decided to wait a while after she spent some time with our family and saw how much a child can determine your day-to-day activities.
   
4. Can you give it all up?
   A clean house, romantic breakfasts, peaceful evenings, clean clothes, dinner with friends, day-trips, weekends, hobbies? They'll all go out the window, at least for the first few years (depending on how many children you have, and what they're like). Make sure your relationship can taken some shaking too, because tired and grumpy partners are hard to live with.
   
5. Are you in it for the long run?
   I know, it's cliche advice, but in the end if you're heart is in it, all the rest will work itself out. Children grow up fast and before you know it, they're leaving you and you'll be tearing up over it (so I've heard). You don't need tons of money, a house, a car to have a baby. You'll learn to function on less sleep than you thought possible and on a less than existent social life. And the love you feel for this one person becomes the overpowering reason for your existence.

Does that sound like paradise? Then you may just be ready to have children. Remember to take all advice with a grain of salt (including this) and follow your instincts. If all other mammals can keep their cubs, young, piglets or calves alive, I'm sure you'll do just fine!

Set a Priority - Break the Rut

Photo by Stephen McKay

Ever find yourself just going through the motions of life without any particular goal in mind? You go to work, cook dinner, watch TV, go to the occasional family gathering and party, and each year blends into the next without anything changing much.

Coming back to the US after being gone for over 4 years we were surprised to find how little some things have changed, notably the people around us. Our last 4 years were full of exciting goals we pursued and consequently arrived at, so it's sometimes unsettling to see how others get stuck in a rut and don't even seem to notice the time going by. It's mostly unsettling because from past experience I know how easy it is to get into a rut like that, and how difficult it is to escape once you do.

I'll make today's 5 minute task a simple one to get started on creating a life that is meaningful and fulfilling. All you have to do is set a priority. Choose an area in your life: family, health, work, relationships, etc; that you will view as your priority for a certain amount of time. It can be a priority for a day, for a week, a month, a year. 

Then think of what you would like to achieve in this area. Do you want to spend more time with your family? Are you hoping to lose some pounds? Do you want to start exercising more regularly? 
Having this priority set will already make you feel more goal oriented and inspired, and help you set the stage for true action.

I'm someone who'd much rather actively create my life and my circumstances than undergo them passively. It does take energy and effort however, and it is never easy to become pro-active once you're used to the comfort of letting life wash over you. Just keep in mind that you can and should be pro-active about doing nothing sometimes too! Watching TV on purpose because you happen to enjoy a certain show or because you really just want to vege out for a day is totally different from plopping down on the couch cause that's just what you usually do.

What are your thoughts? Are you stuck in a rut? Did you ever break out of one? Share below!

Worth Every Minute: Alternative Gifts

It's that time of the year that shop owners rejoice in the splendor of holiday spending. In my family we usually manage to keep things quite limited, but I can't help giving into buying gifts for friends and family from time to time.

Luckily, both my hubby and I have been out of the Christmas atmosphere for two years now (Christmas is not a big holiday in China), and it's been easy to avoid buying things like decorations and typical holiday foods. It's made December a lot less expensive than it used to be.

But looking forward to spending more holidays with family, we'd like to find more ways to keep the gift-buying to a minimum because neither of us is a big fan of 'stuff'.

That's why I was so happy to come across a ZenHabits post on alternative holiday gifts. I immediately felt like sharing (even though it took me about a week to do so).

Interested? Get all the goodness here:

The No New Gifts Holiday Challenge by Leo Babauta on Zen Habits.

For more articles and videos worth watching, check out the whole series of Worth Every Minute here.

Radio: The Forgotten Companion

Picture by Rafael Kage

How long has it been since you've turned on the radio when you were at home? Just to listen to it while you're doing something else, like household chores? It undoubtedly depends on your age, but I would venture a guess that it's been a while. The exception may be your daily commute, or your morning alarm.
What a shame. Radio is one of the things I miss most from home. The national channels have some great shows on in Belgium, and I loved listening to the British BBC channels as well. Thankfully, on many websites you can now listen to some of your old favorites, or listen to shows you may have missed because of your busy schedule.

Why would you listen to radio instead of keeping the TV on? For one, most radios are much more portable, but more importantly, you can listen while you're doing pretty much anything that doesn't require you to talk or write. 
What's more relaxing than peeling potatoes while listening to the radio, singing along or getting informed and entertained at the same time? Time to dust off that old piece that's been sitting in your closet for years! 
If you don't have a radio, you could use your computer or buy a small one. They're dirt cheap now! A better way may be to ask around if anyone you know (who doesn't read this blog) has a radio they're not currently using. Old radios work just as well as new ones.

You can find radio programming on the station's website. You'll probably figure out which shows you like quickly, and they may even become a part of your daily routine.

Let me know if you find any great shows that I might be able to listen to here in China! I'd love to get to know new stuff.

Tip for the Flemish readers: on the Radio 1 Webplayer you can listen to old episodes of, among others, 'Bromberen', which is such a favorite of mine I've listened to many of the episodes multiple times!

5 Adventures to be Had in Your State

Note: This is a guest post by Kara Taylor. She is a freelance writer who loves to clear her head with adventurous outdoor activities.
For more information on being a guest author, or having me write a guest post for your blog, click here.

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Finding the time and money to take a family vacation or have a bit of an adventure seems more and more of a challenge in today’s difficult economic times. However, having a bit of fun outdoors doesn’t have to be impossible. In fact, there are many outdoor adventures and activities to be had without even leaving the state or country. 

Regardless of your budget, you are bound to find inexpensive options that the whole family will enjoy. 

A brief, outdoor getaway is simple, affordable and can be the perfect way for you and your loved ones to relax without breaking the bank.

Here is a list of our favorite five outdoor activities you can do without leaving your state:

1. Hiking

Hiking is a great way to spend some time outdoors. Most states have designated hiking trails for individuals and can be found easily through your search engine. You may also want to consider your state’s tourism guide. The equipment required for your hike will depend on how long your hike will be as well as the climate and surroundings. As a rule of thumb, you will want to carry plenty of water, a map and food. Boots or extremely durable, comfortable shoes are also recommended. Other items that you may require include a flashlight, additional clothes, sunscreen and a first aid kit. A GPS navigation device is also a good idea if you are planning on hiking off-trail. 

2. Camping

If you’re really adventurous, you may want to consider camping as part of your hike. You may also consider car camping—which is done by camping near your car so that more supplies may be stored. Again, you can find camping websites for each state. Supplies can be found at your local hardware store or specialty outdoors and sports stores. You may also find bargains at local thrift shops. It’s important to take along a tent for shelter, first aid materials, sleeping bags, food and water. You may also want to consider items to make a camp fire (if this is legal in your state). A change of clothes, personal care items, trash bags and utensils are also important. Many state parks offer free or low-cost camp ground accommodations. 

3. Fishing

Fishing is great for people of all ages. It is a great way to relax and enjoy the outdoors. Fishing equipment can be purchased at general retailers such as Wal-Mart or Target. You could also visit specialty stores. You will need fishing poles, bait and other accessories which can be purchased relatively cheaply. Make certain to check your local gaming and fishing laws to ensure that you do not need a license in order to fish. Young children should always be supervised when fishing!

4. ATVs

All-terrain vehicles (ATVs) are also known as three or four wheelers, or quads. These vehicles are designed for off-road fun. An ATV is similar to a motorcycle but gives more stability to the driver. ATV sale and rental for your family can be a great way to race and spend time outdoors. ATVs can be bought in all sizes. Remember that young children should be supervised and always wear protective gear. For an experienced, mature rider, ATV racing is an extremely fun and exciting way to relax with friends. For more information on buying your own all-terrain vehicle, check out ATV sale

5. Water sports

How about jet skiing, boating, tubing and surfing? Water sports are a fantastic way to relax and spend some time and fun in the sun. Often, you can rent or buy the equipment for such water activities at an inexpensive rate. Many local renters will offer hourly rates and daily rates on boats and jet skis. Only experienced drivers should handle this equipment. Make sure that proper safety precautions are taken, including but not limited to life jackets. Check your state’s tourism site for water recreation areas near you.

Remember, relaxation doesn’t have to cost a ton of money. These are just five ideas for taking an inexpensive adventure within your state. Are you looking for an adventure?

Take a Snapshot

Picture by Rob Owen-Wahl

Photo's have become our windows into the past. We take tons any chance we get. But it's not always the moments that matter, the little everyday moments, that get captured. It's usually the big trips, the family holidays, the exciting excursions.

I love taking a picture of something I enjoy from time to time. It could be a particularly nice set of rolls I baked, or a walk we took to the beach, or a picture of my hubby in the kitchen. These everyday pictures are put together and serve as a slide show of how much our lives are changing over the years. I get to see the different hairstyles, the changes in decor, the different people who surround ourselves with.

On a random day, just take the camera and look around your house for something to take a picture of. Take ONE picture. Don't take a ton because it defeats the purpose of trying to make the picture something significant. 
Also, we take too many photographs of the same things anyways, so try to look for something different and interesting. A corner of your house you don't often pay attention to. Someone in your family doing something very mundane like washing dishes.

These pictures can also make a great selection to show your children and grandchildren someday, to show them how life was in 2011. What kind of gadgets did people use? How did they dress? That sort of thing. Just like looking back at snapshots of our parents can give us a glimpse of what life was like when they were young.

I still have pictures of my mother ironing, and doing dishes in the kitchen. I have pictures that show the house we used to live in, and the garden outside. I have pictures of old friends that I may not talk to anymore, but still cherish very fond memories of.

Do you use your camera outside of holidays and special events? How do you use your pictures?

Worth Every Minute!

I love libraries! Whenever I do the 'Describe your favorite place'-exercise with my students, I give the library as an example. I love the smell of old books; the sound of pages being turned; the neat, endless rows of book cases.

And yet, I have to admit, I haven't set foot in a library in China yet. Why? I just haven't seen the point, really. I don't read Chinese. Period. Unfortunately, my love for books only goes as far as I can actually comprehend them to a degree.

But not for the writer of the following article. She talks about the other reasons why visiting a library can be wonderful. It's not only a great place to get books (usually free and very environmental!), it's a place where you can get 10 more great advantages.

Read for yourself!

10 Ways to Use the Library by Tiffany Larson on SimpleOrganic.net

For more articles that are worth every minute, check out the full series here.

Learn a Card Trick

Picture by Robert Couse-Baker

Remember when you were a kid and magic still had the power to amaze you? Actually, for me that feeling never quite left. I can still be amazed at very simple tricks. Any riddle to which I don't see the answer has the power to captivate me and makes me want to find out the truth behind the trick.

But I also love being the person to put others to the test and see if they can figure out the mystery behind a trick. Asking someone whether or not they want to see a card trick, I have never yet had a negative response. Of course, maybe my friends and family are only trying to be polite, but once they see the trick, they have a hard time letting go of it. It's a good time to start bargaining about who's going to do the dishes!

Learning a card trick or two is very simple. Many card tricks come with simple explanations, and you may have to practice them once or twice, but that's it. It's only knowing the secret behind it that gives you all the power, and that takes as much time as it takes you to read the explanation.
I've used card tricks with family, friends and to motivate whole groups of students. They always work.

The website I use to get them is this one: www.cardtricksite.com. Here you can find a list of their easy tricks.

If you've tried this on others, let me know how they respond. Share it too if you have found one trick to be particularly fun!

I realize I am giving away some of my most valuable secrets, revealing this site, but I trust that none of you will take advantage of this and reveal me when the opportunity arises. Thank you.

Two-in-One: Combine Experiences

You know how much fun it is to do something you truly enjoy? Now how about doing two things you really enjoy at the same time? Double the fun, right?

There are lots of different treats that lend themselves to possible combinations. I got the idea for doing this while I was eating a piece of chocolate cake and thoroughly enjoying it. And then, all of a sudden, I got a whiff of coffee. The smell of the coffee together with the taste of the chocolate was just divine. I didn't have to drink a sip, and then eat a bite, I could enjoy both at the same time and make it a multi-sensuous experience.

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Of course, it makes sense that you would choose experiences that enhance each other rather than cancel each other out. No point in trying to listen to two songs at the same time, or talk to a friend while on the phone. That's not really what I had in mind.

So what kind of experiences really complement each other? Senses that often go together are smell and taste, and sight and sound. But there are many more possible combinations.
Have a go at the following few to see which ones suit you best:

1. Taste & touch: Imagine receiving a relaxing foot rub while indulging in a cup of your favorite flavored tea. Let the warmth of the tea and the warmth of your feet become one. Absolute bliss.

2. Smell & sight: I'm a sucker for smells. It can be a strength ("Is that Chanel you're wearing?") and a weakness ("Please consider deodorant before getting on a crammed bus.") But my favorite time to focus on smell is when I'm enjoying a great view out in the mountains or something. Watching that splendor and breathing in the earthy smell at the same time, makes me feel like I'm in the Garden of Eden.

3. Touch & Sound: My mind is often wandering aimlessly. Even when I'm trying to physcially relax, it can get in the way and make me drift off. But if I give both my mind and my body something enjoyable to focus on, all the pieces fall into place. Try combining the experiences explained in the posts corpse pose and musical minutes.

Of course you can make any combination of senses, and even add more to the experience. Many of our day-to-day experiences already combine several senses. Think of eating popcorn (taste & smell) at the movies (sound & sight). But there are some we don't often put together. So get creative and think about what you love and how to enhance the experience.
Have fun with it!

Feel free to share your ideas with the other readers here too. I'm sure they (you) would welcome them.

Learn the Lingo Little by Little

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A holiday is the perfect time to submerge yourself in a new language. Even if you're not traveling to a foreign country (though I strongly recommend it to anyone willing to broaden their mind), you might have some extra time at home where you can close the door to unwelcome (i.e. native language) interruptions and create a foreign language environment for yourself.
But what if you don't really want to spend the hours it takes to learn a new language? You'll be glad to know that it doesn't take as much effort to learn enough to get by. All it takes is a couple of minutes each day of dedicated practice, and the willingness to test out your skill in real life.

When learning a new language, people often start cramming in vocabulary and grammar, thinking that this will eventually lead to full mastery of the language. It will ... eventually ... as in decades from today. But why do you need to get to a near-native level? Unless you want to teach the language you're studying, it's okay to make mistakes. (Actually, I know plenty of foreign language teachers that still make mistakes, including me.)

What you should focus on in the beginning, is picking up those key phrases that will get you in good graces with the locals. Find out how to say 'hello', 'nice weather today' and how to ask where the bathroom is. Learn one of these phrases when you have time, and then repeat it whenever you have the opportunity.

The key to learning a language is not dedication or the perfect course, it's repetition. Repeat, repeat, repeat! Ask any 3-year old. 

I learned English through endless repetitions of the same phrases on TV, on the radio, in my made-up conversations with guys I had a crush on (who never spoke English, so why I was making up conversations in a language we would never use together could go a long way to explaining why I was single all the way through high school.)
The Chinese I can remember is stuff I use from time to time. I'm forced to repeat it, so I'm forced to remember. The lack of repetition means you forget. No matter how many years you studied and how much grammar you knew!

Are you currently learning any languages? Which ones would you want to learn?

Summer Projects

Picture by Pam Ramsey

If you are like most people (statistically speaking that's very likely), you probably have some hobbies that you loved at some point in your life, but don't really perform anymore. If you're anything like me, you could make a page-long list of former hobbies and interests that you discontinued a couple of months into them.

When I stop doing something I am (or was) really interested in, it's always with the fullest intention to go back to it someday. Someday I'll play harp again. Someday I'll pick up Spanish again (and French, German, Chinese and Italian for that matter). Someday I'll get into dancing again. Sounds familiar?
I think summer (or any season you happen to have an extended holiday) is a great time to relive some of your old passions.

Take 5 minutes to rummage through your attic. Get out those boxes, and dust them off. See if you can rekindle your previous passion, and if not, at least you can cross it off your list of unfulfilled intentions.
Summers carry a risk for me. I don't have to teach (or a lot less) so my days tend to get filled doing rather pointless stuff. An example? Yesterday I spent the entire day watching sitcom episodes, so in the end I had to write a Minutes Worth Hours post 30 minutes before it was due to be published. Not really the way I like to work. 

Finding something different to focus on, especially something that you are excited about but haven't done for a while, is a great way to stay energetic and feel like you're making full use of your time. It's finally the moment you can invest in doing what you love. 
If what you love is lying in the sun and reading a book, that's great! If you love watching the Tour de France, that's awesome! But make sure you choose how you spend your time, don't let it just slip by unnoticed, or in a couple of weeks, you'll wonder where the summer went.

What kind of things do you do on your free summer days? Do you take a lot of time to relax? Do you do stuff you can't do during the year? I always love to get some inspiration for a meaningful way to spend my free time!

MWH Travel Tips: 5 - Ask the Locals

When you're traveling, you want to relax and have a good time. Maybe you would like to enjoy a nice dinner out, visit a great pub, see a show of some kind.

Guide books can help you find these little hot spots, but they may not be as up to date as another great source of information that is ALWAYS available: the people around you.

No matter where you are, if you are staying in a hotel/hostel in a medium sized city, chances are someone there will speak a little bit of English. If they don't, it always helps to have some phrases you may need ready. Write them down on a piece of paper in both your language and the language of the destination. Otherwise, hands and feet can be incredibly useful when used in a versatile manner!

Ask the staff of the hotel where they would go for: a cheap meal, a celebration dinner, a fun night out, some relaxing time or a good beer. Make sure your source understands that you're not looking for the tourist hot spots per se, you just want to find whatever place they would frequent. 

Apart from finding what you want, it can also be a great way to get to know the culture of the place a little better.
Ask your contact to write down a favorite dish of theirs, for example (first make sure it's not an animal part that will make you gag), or ask them to recommend a local beer. 

When you're staying in a place, keep in mind that your hotel/hostel personnel can have more than one function for you. Not only are they there to provide you with whatever you may require hotel/hostel wise, they are also just people that work and maybe live close by where you happen to be staying all year round and have the most recently updated information. You can't beat, Lonely Planet!

MWH Travel Tips: 3 - Impression Diary

Keeping a travel journal can be quite a bit of work. Writing down a full overview of the day each night is not something I associate with taking a break. Writing is my work, although I love it (and couldn't NOT do it), I don't like to feel obligated. So I keep a small notebook with me, to jot down impressions whenever I feel like it.

My travel notebook.

I suggest you buy a notebook that you like, or find one that you already have but stopped using (if you're like me, there are about 20 of these around in your house somewhere).
Keep it in your daily backpack, with a pen/pencil close by or attached to it. 
Whenever you see something remarkable, or get a sudden moment of inspiration, write down a little note to remind yourself of it. What do you see? Why is it so remarkable? How does it make you feel? It only takes a couple of minutes to jot down the essentials.

You can use these notes to write journal posts later, making it easier to know what to write about, or to add to your photo-album later as anecdotes and explanatory comments. 
You may find that the optional nature of these notes makes you far more likely to write them down. And if you don't, there's no need to feel guilty, since they were optional to begin with!

Do you keep a travel journal? Do you blog while you're on the road? Why or why not?
I find that having a computer with me just leaves me out of touch with being out of touch.

Make a Promise ... and Keep It!

I am often tempted to go back on my plans. I'll plan to go out with a friend, but when push comes to shove, I think how great it would be to stay at home and just relax, not have to go outside, not have to dress properly, no expectations. It's so bad that I actually feel somewhat relieved when plans fall through, as if I was dreading something that's supposed to be fun. Used to drive my friends crazy!

It's not because I don't like going out. When I do go out, I have a great time, and I'm so happy I went. Maybe it's because I'm rather introvert and usually thrive when I'm alone with my Kindle or a blank notebook.
Either way, it just won't do! I'm missing out on not just stuff, but the stuff of life: Meeting other people in the real world, experiencing new things, enjoying the moment. I need those experiences not only to be happy, but to be a good writer too.

My solution? An elegant one: Promise to go.

Picture by Ditatompel

Making promises has fallen into disfavor. These days, we avoid them at all costs, because they make us accountable for circumstance, right? I mean, sure, I want to go out, but I just really have to work tonight, it's not my fault! 
Yes, it is.

A promise is unbreakable. It should not be used lightly, that's true, but it should be used from time to time. A true promise creates a bond of expectation between two people. It raises the stakes of the relationship. At this time of cynicism and individualism, that's something we've nearly lost. When a promise is kept, it enhances feelings of trust and connection between two people, when it's not kept, it decreases the degree of trust. 
Is that a risk you're willing to take? For me it is, because the pay-off can be great, and whether or not the pay-off happens, is up to me. If I really want to, I can keep every promise I make (because I AM careful to make ones I know I can keep). 

Raise the stakes on your relationships from time to time. They're worth it! It's the perfect antidote for the modern day complacency. Don't worry, you can always start small. "I promise to do the dishes if you cook" is popular in our house.

Do you usually keep promises? What kind of promises do you make?
I'll be the first to admit I don't keep every promise I make, but I keep most, which gives me some credit in case I break one from time to time.

Have a Mini-Concert

Classical music is not something everyone enjoys, but many of us do. Strangely enough, even if we enjoy it, we don't always listen to it. The same goes for jazz. I, for one, love jazz, but I rarely put it on. Why is that?
For me, classical music and jazz are so much better live than on a recording. But when do I have the opportunity to hear either? Not very often.
So, I have no choice but to settle for the recording.

Choose a piece of classical music (or any kind of music, for that matter) that you find inspiring. Find a place where you can relax and be undisturbed for the time it takes you to listen to this composition. You may want to be alone, or you could share the mini-concert with your friends and family. 

Lean/sit back and focus on the tones. Let your mind follow the beats and tones of the music. Give it your full, undivided attention, just as you would if you were sitting in a concert hall looking at the orchestra.
Imagine the music is literally going through you and carrying you. I find this is such a powerful image that it can make me laugh or cry depending on the melody and rhythm.

I've included below a video of one of my favorite pieces of all time: The Adagio of the Concierto De Aranjuez by Joaquin Rodrigo.

I do urge you to not let yourself get distracted by what you see, but to focus on what you hear. Our eyes are busy enough during the day. They deserve a break!

What's your favorite piece of music? Do you enjoy listening to classical music or prefer popular music?

Brush up On Your Vocab & Grammar

www.m-w.com

As an English teacher in China, my linguistic skills have suffered dramatically over the last two years. I now regularly use sentence structures which I know for a fact to be wrong, because I know my students will understand me better. An example conversation?

Me: 'Willy, do you have your homework?'
Willy: 'Have'
Me: 'You have?'
Willy: 'Yes'

One of the ways I like to polish my English from time to time (apart from reading and writing) is by watching the 'Ask the Editor' video's on the Merriam-Webster website. You can find the series here.

Are you sometimes confused by certain words? How to spell them or which one of two words is appropriate in a particular situation? I deal with English learners and speakers alike, who ask me questions about this stuff.

But it can be somewhat embarrassing to have to admit you don't know some of this stuff. So, what better way to search in anonymity than the Internet?

The Merriam-Webster website has great stuff! How about learning the difference between 'affect' and 'effect', or finding out the hilarious origin of 'defenestration'? For English learners, it could be finally learning the difference between then and than that helps you sleep easy. Does the word X-mas make you feel uneasy? Find out the true origins (hint: It's not crossing out 'Christ'!). And there's so much more!

A language is something that is continually evolving, and it can be hard to keep track of this process. Taking a minute to learn a new word (or an old one properly) can go a long way to helping you become a better speaker, writer, teacher or student.

P.S. what was the last word you looked up? Was it the spelling, meaning or use of the word you checked?

Create a Desire Desktop Wallpaper Collage

I don't know if you've ever heard of The Secret (see this previous post for more), or what you think about it, but here's my twopence: I don't think the universe magically gives you stuff just because you want it. BUT, I do think that the idea of focusing on what you want can help you get it. How? By guiding your decisions to bring you closer to whatever it is you're wanting.
Once you're focused on, for example, becoming healthier, your mind will guide your decisions and actions in that direction. The same goes for making more money: You'll be more perceptive of the opportunities that might arise.
One of the ways I keep myself focused on the future I want (in this case my future home) is by making a vision wall desktop with a collage of what I desire most.

Step 1: think of the things you want most in your life, now or in the future. Look up some pictures on Google of these things, and save them to your computer. If it's an abstract concept, you can look for an abstract picture (a heart for love, an ocean view for peace and tranquility, etc.)

Step 2: open a Word file and tilt it so the page is horizontal (page layout --> orientation). Then cut out all the margins (layout --> custom margins --> put everything at 0). Start inserting pictures into the file, and move them around to where you want them. I'm sure you could use picture/image editing software as well, but I just haven't. 

Step 3: Put your file up on the screen so everything you want to include is shown. This is the dummy's way of creating a picture file. Press the 'Prt Scr' button at the top right of your keyboard and open Paint. Paste (Ctrl + V) and you have your picture!

Step 4: Go to your desktop. Right click, and select 'personalize'. Go to 'desktop background --> browse' and select your picture.
Voila! 

This is a picture of my desktop below!

Consume Consciously

Clothing Labels

I don't usually do a lot of preaching, because I hate being preached to. But I hope you'll forgive me for addressing this one topic that's really close to my heart. This is a message I really want to share with you. It was a real eye-opener for me, and it changed the way I live.
I realized that as a 'consumer' (although I detest that word!) I'm asserting who I am through the choices I make.
With everything I buy, I'm either agreeing or disagreeing with the way something was produced, grown and distributed.

When I buy fair trade, I disagree with the exploitation of cheap labor in Asia and Latin America. When I buy local, I disagree with the outrageous costs of transportation both financially and environmentally. When I buy grass-fed meat and organic, I disagree with the practice of CAFOs and pesticides, and the threat to human and animal health that these practices pose.

But what if I'm not an activist? I don't want to make it my life's work to think about these decisions every day.

You can still make a difference by raising your consciousness step by step.
What you buy says a lot about who you are.

Next time you're out to buy clothes, see if you can find the label on the piece of clothing you're buying. Where was it made? What was it made of? If you think it's expensive: think of how many hours of labor would go into it, how much a person should earn per hour, how much the fabric costs and how much the company has to make on top of all that to be profitable. Still looks expensive? When you buy cheap clothes, chances are someone's paying that extra bit somewhere.

When you're grocery shopping, don't be fooled by pictures, read the ingredient labels. See a lot of stuff that you don't know? Does that really sound like food to you? If you buy foods without ingredient labels (vegetables, eggs, grains, etc.), at least you KNOW what you're eating, and you're saying 'NO' to processed food.
Try to imagine what kind of system this food comes from and if that system is sustainable in the long run. Part of taking care of our planet, is to make sure that we provide food for the billions of people that will come afterward. That means we have to make sure the natural balance is observed.

I know this isn't easy to do, and it's very difficult to let every single purchase depend on these decisions. But every little bit helps. Every time you spend money on sustainable, fair trade or second-hand items, you're asserting yourself as someone who cares about the planet and the people on it. And that just feels absolutely wonderful!

It only takes a minute to think about it.

Watch a 3-6 minute TED Talk

TED.com

TED talks are one of my addictions. They teach me and inspire me almost every day. What are they? They're lectures on various topics given by experts in their field, or just people like you and me who have something interesting to say. I usually watch these 20-minute video's for about an hour or two, and then feel totally guilty for having spent all that time being distracted.

Until I found out that there are also very short TED Talks, from 3-6 minutes. Now I watch one from time to time as a little treat when I finish my work 5 minutes early, or I still have 5 minutes before I need to run out the door to get to class.

Here you can find a list of all the TED Talks so far that are under 6 minutes. Below you can watch one of the most revealing ones I saw lately. 

Isn't that a revealing new idea? I've now forbidden myself to blab about future writing projects or ideas, until they're nearing the finish-line. It's much nicer to surprise someone with something pretty much done, than with an idea that might never make it into reality.
So next time I try to tell you something about my writing, shut me up immediately!

There are also really wonderful longer video's on TED. Just click on all talks and browse through the topics you're interested in. Respych also has a list of some of the most interesting ones out there.

Ask for Help

Picture by Dimitri Neyt

We've all grown up in a culture that promotes independence. From our childhood onward, we're steered toward becoming competent and self-governing individuals. This is really great! Once we've learned to take care of ourselves, we don't have to rely on anyone else. It's a reassuring and comforting though.
 There is, however, one downside. For most of us, this independence leads to a feeling of embarrassment when there's something we're not able to handle on our own. It's a little awkward to realize that you have to ask someone for help. It goes against our upbringing. Unfortunately, it's the most important things we have the hardest time asking help for.
I have no problem asking my husband to open a jar for me, no matter how un-feminist it makes me, but I have a really hard time asking a friend to help spread the news about this blog, for example. Even though the blog is much more important to me, than a jar of jam.

If there's something in your life that you're struggling with, be it how to raise your kids or how to improve your business, don't instantly turn to self-help books. Start by asking help from the people in your life. They know you. They know your situation. They care about you. 
The worst that can happen is that they tell you they can't or won't help you. That puts you right back where you started. You're no worse off than you were before.
The best that can happen is that they agree to help you and you benefit from an improvement of the situation, and a deepening of your relationship. Maybe you'll even be able to help your helper in return. 

Asking for help is something we should be teaching our children every day. It's a skill that's valuable all throughout life, and it's easy and free.

Is there something you could use help with? Anything I can do? I'm offering for free!