Share Great Content to Inspire Conversation

Picture by Kris Hoet

I love me a good conversation! Ain't nothin' like chatting away till the break o' dawn ... Actually, I don't need to talk like this to tell you conversations are cool. I'm sure you already know that. Why else is it that when someone finishes describing their first date with "we talked all night", we're much more inclined to share their hopes for the future than when they finish with "and then we ... " (fill in the blanks).
Conversation is a great way to connect to another person. But before there's a possibility of conversing, there needs to be something to converse about.

I've given you some ideas about small talk before (and told you about the big benefits of small talk!), so today I want to focus on having a solid conversation with someone you already know.
The hubby and I have been trying to find topics to talk about other than our daily lives, and I've found that sharing interesting articles or blog posts can inspire some very insightful discussions.

Share buttons under MWH posts

Most blogs and websites these days allow you to share what you read with other people through facebook, twitter, Google Buzz or other systems. Below each of my posts you can see some of the options for sharing. If you don't really want to send more stuff to someone through the digital spectrum, you could also recount what you read/saw/heard the next time you see him/her to spark the conversation. 

Chances are, you already talk about shared experiences like television shows you both watched, or the winnings of one sports team instead of another.  So why don't we do this more often for more in-depth conversations? These connections, however short, do wonders for intensifying and strengthening relationships. 

Do you often have deep conversations with friends or family? Do they make you feel uncomfortable? Are there issues you avoid talking about, or issues others avoid but you'd like to discuss?


I'm always open for a good conversation! Let me know if you'd like to have one.

Visualize Your Day

Picture by Scarleth White

Have you had those days that seem to go by without being noticed? A kind of 'blah' day where you feel like you just wasted all the potential of the day because you didn't have any energy, or were bored, or just didn't get round to doing anything. This usually happens on your only day off, so you then feel like you've wasted your opportunity to have fun and relax. Or it's supposed to be a busy work day, but you're so wonderfully skilled at procrastination, that the time just passes by.

For me, this is a problem. I really don't like this kind of day, since it makes me feel like crap and doesn't contain any valuable activities. To avoid these days, I try a visualization exercise in the morning that only takes me 5 minutes, but can make the whole day work out well.

Since I've started doing a daily meditation after I wake up each day, I also use this time to visualize how I want my day to go.
I'll mentally take myself from my meditation, to my work-out, to breakfast, my writing/teaching, etc. 
You don't have to be too strict about this. No need to plan every single second. Just have an intention in your mind of how you want your day to plan out. 

It can help to write a small to-do list, or keep some notes to remind you close by, but it's not absolutely necessary. 
This exercise can really help you gain momentum to carry you through the rest of the day. It keeps you focused on what you want, steering your mind and body in the right direction. 

Make sure to focus on how you WANT your day to go, not how you think it SHOULD go. I know there are things I should do in a day (like teaching), so I visualize how I want that teaching to go. 

This doesn't necessarily work miracles, but it's made me happier and more productive. I hope it can do the same for you!

Pre-Pack Your Beach Bag

Trips and excursions are great fun! You look forward to a new and relaxing experience. You get to spend time with your friends, family or significant other. It's wonderful! That is, until you realize you've forgotten something that is essential to your trip. It could be your bathing suit, sun block or the camera. Suddenly, the trip is just not as perfect as it could've been, and you're left with feeling disappointed.

But it doesn't have to be that way. You could make it so you only have to remember one thing: your beach bag (or excursion bag).

Picture by Kamila Czamecka

Find an empty back pack, basket or even just a plastic bag. Make a list of all the stuff you usually require on these occasions. Pack everything you can in the bag already and make a card that includes the stuff you can't pre-pack (food, drinks, certain clothes.)

I suggest including stuff like sunblock, bathing suits, a first aid kit and spare underwear beforehand. They're all objects that tend to be forgotten easily. Also a little something to keep busy in the car (or on the train). It could be an audiotape or a travel game. 

So next time, instead of leaving an hour after the time you'd said you would leave, because you're running all over the place trying to get everything you need and not forget anything, you just grab the bag, check the list of stuff to add, and you're good to go!

 Do you have something you keep pre-packed for this kind of occasion? Is there something you usually forget?
Feel free to comment. I love to hear about your forgetfulness. It always makes me feel included!

Brush up On Your Vocab & Grammar

www.m-w.com

As an English teacher in China, my linguistic skills have suffered dramatically over the last two years. I now regularly use sentence structures which I know for a fact to be wrong, because I know my students will understand me better. An example conversation?

Me: 'Willy, do you have your homework?'
Willy: 'Have'
Me: 'You have?'
Willy: 'Yes'

One of the ways I like to polish my English from time to time (apart from reading and writing) is by watching the 'Ask the Editor' video's on the Merriam-Webster website. You can find the series here.

Are you sometimes confused by certain words? How to spell them or which one of two words is appropriate in a particular situation? I deal with English learners and speakers alike, who ask me questions about this stuff.

But it can be somewhat embarrassing to have to admit you don't know some of this stuff. So, what better way to search in anonymity than the Internet?

The Merriam-Webster website has great stuff! How about learning the difference between 'affect' and 'effect', or finding out the hilarious origin of 'defenestration'? For English learners, it could be finally learning the difference between then and than that helps you sleep easy. Does the word X-mas make you feel uneasy? Find out the true origins (hint: It's not crossing out 'Christ'!). And there's so much more!

A language is something that is continually evolving, and it can be hard to keep track of this process. Taking a minute to learn a new word (or an old one properly) can go a long way to helping you become a better speaker, writer, teacher or student.

P.S. what was the last word you looked up? Was it the spelling, meaning or use of the word you checked?

Lift Some Weights

Picture by Keith Ramsey

Okay, so exercising is great and everything, totally necessary for your health and wellbeing, but let's face it: Who has the time? And if you have the time, who really wants to spend all their time on sweaty cardio-workouts? I sure don't.

As I've mentioned before, I do yoga for exercise. Yoga is mostly stretching and strengthening. I do it half an hour every morning, but somehow, I feel like it's not enough.
So lately, I've started using my husband's dumbbells on a regular basis. About twice every day.

Lifting weights doesn't have to take a long time. I can do about 50 repetitions in 2 minutes or less. I just do arms for now, and I just put on a fun song to pump me up a bit. 
It's key that you make this a habit. It can be totally random, just make sure you do it every day or every two days. Otherwise I can't guarantee results.

You can find some easy exercises here and here.

You could plan to do 20 reps every time come back from the bathroom. Or every time you eat something (before is better than after!). 
They're great, simple exercise. And you can just do it in little spurts of a couple of minutes. Doesn't seem like all that much effort, but those little bits add up. Also, ladies, don't worry about getting buff. Unless you're secretly taking testosterone, I'm sure you're safe!

Exercising is one of the things that's very difficult for me to keep up. So I have to cheat a little. I just do tiny bits here and there, and in the end it adds up to at least 30-45 minutes every day.

Instead of weights, you could also use other heavy objects, such as bottles of water or bags filled with sand. Dumbbells just happen to be very easy to hold.

Do you enjoy exercising? Do you make time for it? What kind of stuff do you do?

Offer a Genuine Compliment

Picture by Studio Amore

I love getting compliments. Who doesn't? Although they can be uncomfortable to sit through (I always blush way more than is becoming) it's just wonderful to know that someone likes you/loves your style/thinks you're great at what you do. I recently received a great compliment from one of my students. You can read about it on my personal blog here (bilingual post: English - Dutch). As you can imagine, that one made my day!
So how does it feel knowing you have the power to do the same for someone else? It can be someone you love, an employee, or even a total stranger.

I suggest that you don't force this. Forced compliments sound an awful lot like insincere flattery. Chances are, if you're a positive person and you genuinely like other people, opportunities will pop up everywhere before you know it.
See someone wearing a dress you love? Tell them how much you like it! Does your friend look exceptionally good today? Have they paid special attention to their hair, clothes or accessories? Let them know you noticed.

Knowing that someone notices the little efforts we make to look good, do the best job we can and be the best person we can be, makes all the difference in keeping up that habit. 
"Wow, you look so toned. That work-out is really working for you!" may just be the best reason to exercise out there. Or at least, the most effective.

When someone compliments you, make sure to thank them for it. I know, sometimes it's not easy to smile back at those construction workers whistling at you, but they are really paying you a compliment.
Don't be too modest either. If you deny the compliment, you're denying the other person's feelings on the topic too. Instead, acknowledge the compliment with a simple "Thank you, that's so sweet of you to say," or something along those lines.

Do you get a lot of compliments? What are the best ones? What kind of compliments do you give?

This post was a suggestion from my dear sister Elise. She's such an inspiration to me. Full of positive energy and so unique!

Make a Standard Meals List

(source)

Ever wonder about what to cook for dinner? Or you're walking around the super market without any ideas as to which ingredients you should be buying? This happens to us all the time, and we sometimes just end up ordering pizza to avoid the problem altogether. Doesn't seem very efficient, does it? As we were fidgeting over what to cook for lunch for the zillionth time that month, it hit me. We should be able to organize this better.

Some people suggest you write up a weekly menu, planning every meal for that week and doing all your grocery shopping at once. Once we have kids, this will probably be how we do it too, but for now, what we have in the house depends on which vegetables we can find cheap and fresh at the supermarket. That depends on which day we go and what season it is, as well as on how many old Chinese ladies have gone through that morning picking up the cream of the crop.

So instead, I decided to write a list of dishes (Chinese and American/European) that we can cook well and without much trouble, so that all I have to do is look through my fridge, see which ingredients are available, and cook a dish based on that.

Take a piece of paper and a pen/pencil. This is really all you need. You don't really need a fancy notebook or organizing system. No need to over-complicate your simplification! 
Think of the different meals you've cooked last week, the ones that didn't require you to use a recipe because by now they've become routine. Write them down.
Alternatively, write down dishes based on which ingredients are prominent in them, or base them on the staple food of that dish (all pasta-dishes, all rice-dishes, all potato-dishes, for example). 
When you've finished this quick first list, check to see if all these dishes include vegetables and protein. If not, think of what you can add to them to make them complete.

Put this list on your fridge, or somewhere in your kitchen where it's easy to grab quickly. Keep a pencil close to it, so you can add as you go along and jot down other ideas for combinations or switching ingredients (we cook a Chinese dish that has eggs and tomatoes, for example, but can replace the tomato with some other vegetables, like zucchini for variety).

This can be a great way to economize as well, since it encourages you to use the ingredients you already have handy and not let anything go to waste. It's also a good reminder of how many various dishes you already know how to cook, and to eat a more varied and balanced diet.
Any ideas for easy, quick meals that take little time to cook or prepare?

Recycle Recycle Reuse

Recycling is now pretty much established as a standard practice in Western countries (I use 'Western' a lot since that's the word they use here.) In China, however, it's not really the common way. Most people just put everything in a trash bag. Afterwards they dump it in one of the big boxes outside, and the bags get searched for bottles, cans and boxes by the less fortunate, who can then sell it for a tiny bit of money.
We still recycle however, and pack the stuff separately. Either way, it helps someone.

Separating paper and plastic is common, right, but what about recycling other stuff? I'm talking about other items around the house that maybe you could reuse for another purpose instead of throwing them out right away. My grandmother used to be wonderful at this. A bed sheet went through being a sheet, to being a towel, to being a diaper, finally ending up as a cleaning rag at the end of its life cycle.

You don't have to do any stitching or be very creative to re-use items in your house. How about using a squeeze bottle as an easy oil dispenser? Or an old jam jar as a container for left-over sauces or soups? 
Here you can find great ideas on how to re-use an old yoga mat, and this site has some great ideas for what to do with glass jars.
If you have something that you don't really want to throw away, google 'reuse + your item' and see what pops up. You never know what your possible trash could be used for!

The picture shows some of the simple items I've reused in our home. A bamboo cup that split became a chopstick holder (essential if you live in the East and use them every day). A glass jar became the perfect home for my sourdough starter. I cover it with a piece cut from an old shirt of the hubby, it's held on their by the use of an old scrunchy that wouldn't scrunch no more. At the bottom is a spice container in which I put some chopped lemon zest and cooking oil. Makes a great massage oil!

Making all of these work was a matter of minutes!

I have three pairs of jeans that are worn,  but only in one spot. Any idea on what I could do with them without a sewing machine? I don't mind doing some hand-stitching, as long as it's not too much!

Create a Desire Desktop Wallpaper Collage

I don't know if you've ever heard of The Secret (see this previous post for more), or what you think about it, but here's my twopence: I don't think the universe magically gives you stuff just because you want it. BUT, I do think that the idea of focusing on what you want can help you get it. How? By guiding your decisions to bring you closer to whatever it is you're wanting.
Once you're focused on, for example, becoming healthier, your mind will guide your decisions and actions in that direction. The same goes for making more money: You'll be more perceptive of the opportunities that might arise.
One of the ways I keep myself focused on the future I want (in this case my future home) is by making a vision wall desktop with a collage of what I desire most.

Step 1: think of the things you want most in your life, now or in the future. Look up some pictures on Google of these things, and save them to your computer. If it's an abstract concept, you can look for an abstract picture (a heart for love, an ocean view for peace and tranquility, etc.)

Step 2: open a Word file and tilt it so the page is horizontal (page layout --> orientation). Then cut out all the margins (layout --> custom margins --> put everything at 0). Start inserting pictures into the file, and move them around to where you want them. I'm sure you could use picture/image editing software as well, but I just haven't. 

Step 3: Put your file up on the screen so everything you want to include is shown. This is the dummy's way of creating a picture file. Press the 'Prt Scr' button at the top right of your keyboard and open Paint. Paste (Ctrl + V) and you have your picture!

Step 4: Go to your desktop. Right click, and select 'personalize'. Go to 'desktop background --> browse' and select your picture.
Voila! 

This is a picture of my desktop below!

Use only ONE Bathroom Product

Did I pique your interest with yesterday's post? Are you curious to find out how I replaced my shampoo, body-wash, facial soap, 'special soap' and even my future baby's soap with only one product? Especially if I tell you this one product has been around for thousands of years and contains no harmful chemicals?
Well, I won't hold you in suspense any longer.

I use ... Aleppo soap. Aleppo soap is a soap based on olive and bay leaf oil. I use if to wash my face, hands, even my hair. I've heard you can also use it to brush your teeth with, but haven't tried that yet.

I suggest you try this soap first, before you throw out all of your chemical beauty products. Maybe you won't like it, and that's just fine. 
If you're wondering about where to buy a piece of this soap, in Belgium you can find it at Bioplanet, (the Danish Urtekram one is my favorite!), in the UK, you can order it from Life & Home of Wikaniko.com. For the US, I'm not so sure. Amazon has it, for sure: Syrian Soap 200g - Olive Oil Soap from Mesopotamia(1 bar) (Amazon link), but this may be a bit pricy. I also found the website Wunderley, which sells a selection as well. Just running a search on Ebay for Aleppo or olive oil soap will get you plenty of results.

I've saved a lot of money on care products in this way, and I love how I only have this one piece of soap in the shower, and don't need to rummage through a whole bunch of bottles and flasks like I used to. Sure, it took some time to get used to the feeling and the smell (smells kind of herb-like and like Marseille soap), but now I don't want anything else!

Has anyone in the states seen this in one of the bigger alternative markets? Or in a regular super market? Let me know!

Let me know if you're thinking about giving it a try. Or maybe you use a different type of natural soap that can be used for pretty much anything? I'm sure there are plenty of options, I just happened to stumble across this one first. Let me know what you think!

Cut Your Shower Short

My sister is the queen of short showers. When she was staying with us last year, my husband and I were completely baffled by how fast she got in and out of a shower. So today, the tip I want to give you is the one we picked up from her.
Short showers have many benefits: you save water and energy (which is both environmental and saves you money!), your skin benefits from not being so dry, and ... most important for the purpose of this blog ... you save time.
My sister could take a shower in 5 minutes! I haven't quite made it that far, especially when I wash my hair, but I've managed to cut it short by at least 5 minutes each time.

When you're taking a shower, try not to think of it as a moment to relax. Better yet, put it on your to-do list and make it seem like a task you have to accomplish. Maybe this will inspire the 'let's-get-it-over-with'-vibe. 
That's not because I don't want you to relax. Naturally, I want you to have the best life possible. You're my readers, I have your best interest at heart at all times! So am I taking away a moment of joy from you? No, I'm just asking you to find another moment that you enjoy even more, or that relaxes you even more. No idea of what to do with those extra 5 minutes? How about you take a walk around this blog?

Maybe you could consciously relax your body by practicing corpse pose, or by meditating for 5 minutes. Or you could try something new like read some flash fiction or write a haiku. The sky is the limit!

Doing something completely different, will make those extra five minutes of shower time feel like an hour!

One of the ways in which I've cut my shower-time short is by only using one product in the shower. Whether I'm washing my hair or shaving my legs, there's only one product I need. It's all natural too! Come back tomorrow to find out what it is!

How would you spend your extra 5 minutes? Are you usually one to take long showers?

5 Minute Meaningful Fathers' Day

If you've been on this blog for a while, you may have read my post on how to have a meaningful Mothers' Day in only 5 minutes. Well, of course, I won't forget about all those dads out there that deserve just as much love and attention.

So what can you do in a couple of minutes to give your Dad an extra treat on his special day? How about reversing the roles, for a change? Instead of wanting your dad to be proud of you, show him that you're proud of who he is!

When you're growing up, there comes a time when you realize that your parents are also just human. All of  a sudden, your dad isn't Superman anymore, but a person who makes mistakes, just like you and me. I remember that realization as being quite painful. 
Yet now, 15 years later, when I think of my Papa, I see a 'Superman' again, be it of an altogether different kind.

When my father was the age I am now, I was born. Thinking back on the years that followed, my early childhood, I'm so impressed with how good a father he was at such a young age. That's not the only thing I'm proud of. I'm proud to be the daughter of a man who is intelligent, kind, funny, playful and a wonderful teacher to his children and his students. A man who has found the key to life in enjoying every moment. He doesn't put off celebrations to a future day, but celebrates the here and now, with a glass of wine and some potato chips! That's something I aspire to every day, and this blog is an extension of that desire!

This Fathers' Day, let your dad know you're proud of him for who he is and what he's achieved. What has your dad done that makes you proud? What kind of person is he?

Read a Book in 5-Minutes-to-Spare Sessions

Picture by Mo Riza

Ideally, reading a book is something that you take time for. You submerge yourself in the alternate universe for hours on end, and let the story take over. But who has time for that in these busy days? And yet, if I ask people what they'd like to have more time for, reading is a common answer. We love to get acquainted with a new world that we can construct in our mind. It becomes part of us for a while. Very different from watching a movie or TV, where the world we see is on the screen and perfectly separate from us.

So how can you find more time to read without turning around your busy schedule? You'd be surprised how much you can do with 5 minutes. I just tested this out for you, and in a random novel I just picked up, I read about 5 pages, halfway through chapter one and about 2% of the book's length.

Keep a book with you that you enjoy reading. Don't worry about 'I've never read ... I should really read ... it's a classic ...' Just find a book that you enjoy.
When you're in a situation where you don't have anything to do for a couple of minutes, just open the book on the page where you left off and read for a bit. Don't worry about having to stop before you finish your chapter, or even the page. You'll find these odd capsules of time more often than you think, and if you read frequently, you'll remember where you were in the story without a problem.

I read when I take mini-breaks, in between my classes (10 minutes here and there) and on the bus. I also read a couple of pages before I go to sleep every night, because it helps me calm my mind and it's part of my sleeping ritual.

Do you wish you could read more? Do you usually read in big spurts and then stop for a while?

Consume Consciously

Clothing Labels

I don't usually do a lot of preaching, because I hate being preached to. But I hope you'll forgive me for addressing this one topic that's really close to my heart. This is a message I really want to share with you. It was a real eye-opener for me, and it changed the way I live.
I realized that as a 'consumer' (although I detest that word!) I'm asserting who I am through the choices I make.
With everything I buy, I'm either agreeing or disagreeing with the way something was produced, grown and distributed.

When I buy fair trade, I disagree with the exploitation of cheap labor in Asia and Latin America. When I buy local, I disagree with the outrageous costs of transportation both financially and environmentally. When I buy grass-fed meat and organic, I disagree with the practice of CAFOs and pesticides, and the threat to human and animal health that these practices pose.

But what if I'm not an activist? I don't want to make it my life's work to think about these decisions every day.

You can still make a difference by raising your consciousness step by step.
What you buy says a lot about who you are.

Next time you're out to buy clothes, see if you can find the label on the piece of clothing you're buying. Where was it made? What was it made of? If you think it's expensive: think of how many hours of labor would go into it, how much a person should earn per hour, how much the fabric costs and how much the company has to make on top of all that to be profitable. Still looks expensive? When you buy cheap clothes, chances are someone's paying that extra bit somewhere.

When you're grocery shopping, don't be fooled by pictures, read the ingredient labels. See a lot of stuff that you don't know? Does that really sound like food to you? If you buy foods without ingredient labels (vegetables, eggs, grains, etc.), at least you KNOW what you're eating, and you're saying 'NO' to processed food.
Try to imagine what kind of system this food comes from and if that system is sustainable in the long run. Part of taking care of our planet, is to make sure that we provide food for the billions of people that will come afterward. That means we have to make sure the natural balance is observed.

I know this isn't easy to do, and it's very difficult to let every single purchase depend on these decisions. But every little bit helps. Every time you spend money on sustainable, fair trade or second-hand items, you're asserting yourself as someone who cares about the planet and the people on it. And that just feels absolutely wonderful!

It only takes a minute to think about it.

Watch a 3-6 minute TED Talk

TED.com

TED talks are one of my addictions. They teach me and inspire me almost every day. What are they? They're lectures on various topics given by experts in their field, or just people like you and me who have something interesting to say. I usually watch these 20-minute video's for about an hour or two, and then feel totally guilty for having spent all that time being distracted.

Until I found out that there are also very short TED Talks, from 3-6 minutes. Now I watch one from time to time as a little treat when I finish my work 5 minutes early, or I still have 5 minutes before I need to run out the door to get to class.

Here you can find a list of all the TED Talks so far that are under 6 minutes. Below you can watch one of the most revealing ones I saw lately. 

Isn't that a revealing new idea? I've now forbidden myself to blab about future writing projects or ideas, until they're nearing the finish-line. It's much nicer to surprise someone with something pretty much done, than with an idea that might never make it into reality.
So next time I try to tell you something about my writing, shut me up immediately!

There are also really wonderful longer video's on TED. Just click on all talks and browse through the topics you're interested in. Respych also has a list of some of the most interesting ones out there.

Ask for Help

Picture by Dimitri Neyt

We've all grown up in a culture that promotes independence. From our childhood onward, we're steered toward becoming competent and self-governing individuals. This is really great! Once we've learned to take care of ourselves, we don't have to rely on anyone else. It's a reassuring and comforting though.
 There is, however, one downside. For most of us, this independence leads to a feeling of embarrassment when there's something we're not able to handle on our own. It's a little awkward to realize that you have to ask someone for help. It goes against our upbringing. Unfortunately, it's the most important things we have the hardest time asking help for.
I have no problem asking my husband to open a jar for me, no matter how un-feminist it makes me, but I have a really hard time asking a friend to help spread the news about this blog, for example. Even though the blog is much more important to me, than a jar of jam.

If there's something in your life that you're struggling with, be it how to raise your kids or how to improve your business, don't instantly turn to self-help books. Start by asking help from the people in your life. They know you. They know your situation. They care about you. 
The worst that can happen is that they tell you they can't or won't help you. That puts you right back where you started. You're no worse off than you were before.
The best that can happen is that they agree to help you and you benefit from an improvement of the situation, and a deepening of your relationship. Maybe you'll even be able to help your helper in return. 

Asking for help is something we should be teaching our children every day. It's a skill that's valuable all throughout life, and it's easy and free.

Is there something you could use help with? Anything I can do? I'm offering for free!

Wisdom Wishlist - Unconventional Gifts

Picture by Abby Blank

Today is my birthday! Yay! (You may congratulate me below.) But naturally, I have more to say than how happy I am to finally be 26 (not really) and how wonderful it is to celebrate away from my family and childhood friends (not at all). This year, I decided to go a little more unconventional when it came to my birthday wishlist.

Last year, I got a Kindle DX from my husband. A wonderful present which I use nearly every single day, both for work and to relax. This year, however, we'll be moving again soon, and I just don't need or want any more stuff. I'm done with it for a bit. I'll buy what I need (preferably second hand) and make the rest myself if I have to. I'm trying to move with as little as possible.

So, what do I want for my birthday? I'm asking people for advice. Things they have learned about life they could share with me.

Since your friends and family love you and care about you, they want the best for you. On birthdays and around the holiday season, this is a great cause of stress and anxiety. 'What should I get? What if they already have it? What if they don't like it? I can't afford the things I'd like to give most.'
Since you love your friends and family as much as they love you, you could save them the trouble this year and ask for a real gift from the heart. Ask them to share a piece of their wisdom. 

This could come in many forms: a letter, a quotation, a song, a poem, a movie/book suggestion, etc. They shouldn't buy a book or movie for you, since that means you'd insult them if you don't read/watch it, or if you don't take the advice. Make the givers understand that their gift should be no-strings-attached. The fact that you ask is because you believe they will give from the heart. It doesn't necessarily mean it will be as valuable to you as it is to them.

So, now that you know it's my birthday, and you know what I want, what kind of wisdom can you or would you want to share with me? I'd love to hear your stories!

The Five Minute Phonecall And 5 Reasons Why

publicdomainpictures.com

I'm not one of those people who hates phone calls. Actually, depending on who I'm calling, I can chatter on for hours. Literally! I know people who really dislike calling because it feels awkward or strange to them to talk to someone without being able to see their face. For me, it's no biggie.

There are, however, many good reasons for limiting time spent on phone calls in general, even if they're usually relatively pleasant. I try to keep my phone calls to about 5 minutes or less, and leave longer conversations either for skype calls (similar to phone calls but different in one very important regard: see point 3), or by meeting the person in person.

I've listed 5 reasons below for keeping your phone calls short. There may be others you can add and I hope you'll do so in the comments!

1. Cooking your brain. This article on CNN repeats the well-known suspicion that all that radiation that come from your phone, may be cancerous after all. Cell phone radiation has not been around long enough to see the effects of decades, but with every passing year we're getting nearer and nearer to more definite answers. In the mean time, we might as well play it safe!
   
2. Save time. Phone calls are usually made for a specific reason, to get a specific answer or extend an invitation, for example. The purpose of a phone call is rarely just to catch up. So just focus on settling the matter at hand, and leave the catching up for a time when you're both free to take as long as you want.
   
3. Money, money, money. Email is free. So is computer-to-computer Skype and a face to face conversation. Phone calls, however, are not! The average American spent about $50 to $60 a month on their cell phone bill in 2010. That's quite a bit of money! You could go with a cheaper plan, or a prepaid card, and just pay for what you use. It means no free minutes, but you might still save money in the long run!
   
4. Limit time of distractions. A phone call usually interrupts another activity. It's one of the disadvantages of phone calls compared to email (an advantage is the speedy response and direct feedback, however). Keeping the distraction short makes sure you don't lose track of what you were doing before.
   
5. It's tempting to multi-task. Many of us are tempted to do more than one thing at the same time while we're on the phone. In this post on RePsych, you'll find 5 basic tips for meaningful telephone conversations without all the distractions butting in on the conversation. But it's still hard to do! At least, while writing an email or sending a text message, the recipient will not be the victim of your multitasking delay. 

I can usually manage to keep a phone conversation short by getting to the point quickly. I keep in mind why I'm calling someone, and if someone calls me, I'll ask them the reason for the phone call before we go off talking about other stuff. As an extra help, you can keep a paper and pen handy to jot down information and follow up questions before and during your conversation. Usually, this works quite well.

Most people will understand if you're busy or trying to save money. If you find that someone's reluctant to get off the phone, see if you can set up a time to talk with them properly, where it fits in with your schedule.

Do you usually take a long time talking on the phone? Do you enjoy it?

Smell the Flowers

Picture by Trisha Shears

I mean literally.

This morning, my hubby and I woke up around 5-ish and the morning sun was shining brightly. So we decided to go for a refreshing morning walk. In the complex where we live there are, I think, about 50 apartment buildings. In between them, the architects designed little paths and gardens. And this time of year, these gardens are full of the most magnificent roses. They come in all sizes and in colors ranging from bright yellows to soft pinks and deep reds.

Not only are they wonderful to look at, they also suffuse the whole place with their delightful perfume. My hubby was quite amused at how often I paused to plunge my nose in the nearest flower and inhaled the scent. It was wonderful.

Smelling flowers is something we've left for the days we are given them. We smell the flowers in a bouquet, but not the ones outside. Isn't that strange? We also seem to feel quite self-conscious stopping alongside the road, to smell the flowers nearby. But it's worth it!

Part of the beauty of flowers lies in the fact that they are fleeting. They're only around for a week or so, before they'll die and you have to wait a whole year, or at least a couple of months again, before they come back. The scent of these flowers is a rare perfume that so often goes unnoticed or unappreciated.

So next time you pass by a rose bush or a jasmine tree, stop for a second and breathe in that sweet aroma. Let it tickle those receptors in your brain that give you joy and relaxation. Let it paint a smile on your face and lighten your mood. 

My favorite flower scent has to be lily-of-the-valley, closely followed by rose and jasmine. If I pass by one of these, I just can't resist sniffing.
Which flowers smell the most wonderful to you? Do you use flower-based perfumes? Do you grow flowers in your garden?

Schedule Your Free Time

Picture by Wong Mei Teng

 I often feel guilty when I'm relaxing, thinking that really I should be doing some of the work that I still have left. Usually that means my 'free time' is spent procrastinating, i.e. surfing the web or watching videos on TED.com. Those could and would be relaxing activities, if I wasn't doing them in the process of procrastinating. Because I'm putting off something I ought to be doing instead, that something is constantly zooming around my mind preventing me from fully enjoying my leisure time.
 One of the tricks I picked up from The Now Habit by Neil Fiore (Amazon Link) is to schedule my free time as well as my work time. I don't leave gaps in my schedule to relax, I schedule the activities I want to do just as much as the ones I have to do.

When you're thinking of what you HAVE TO do today, spend some time evaluating each activity. How long will it take? Is it really necessary? Can you group it with another activity to make it more efficient?
Now think of everything you WANT TO do. Is there someone you'd like to spend time with? Is there a show you'd love to see? Is there a craft project sitting idle?

Now go over all the hours in your day, and try to create a healthy balance between your work-time and your relaxing time. If you follow the schedule, you'll know that you deserved every activity of fun because you've also spent plenty of time working hard. It will get rid of that nagging feeling of guilt that can ruin even the best moments.
Now's the time to revive those hobbies you never seem to have time for. Even if it's only for an hour.

What's the best work-to-play ratio? It depends on your priorities, your line of work, your responsibilities at home, your stress levels, etc. It also depends on how you label certain activities. Do you enjoy exercising? Or is it more like a job for you? What about cooking?

What activities have you put off because you should be working instead? What do you do when you procrastinate? Do you enjoy those activities?

Swap and Share Your Stuff

I recently came across this video on www.ted.com, and it was the first time I'd ever heard of a network of trading goods instead of buying them. The idea is that you've got plenty of stuff around the house that you either won't use anymore (books you've read, movies you've seen) or that you only use rarely (electric drill, kitchen torch), and that it would be much more beneficial to the planet and your wallet, if you could trade or share those things with others.

The talk is about 20 minutes, so not really within the scope of this blog, but doing a search on one of the websites that help you trade your stuff, is a matter of minutes.
So far, I've only come across the American website www.swap.com, and some UK ones (see links at the bottom) but I'm sure they have them in other countries too! If you find one for where you live, please share it in a comment below so I can edit the post!

Surf to the website. At the top, you'll see a 'join now' button to click on. This should only take about 1 minute. You can sign up using your Facebook account, or if you don't have Facebook, just create an account. So far, it's only for US residents, but let's hope it spreads quickly!
Add some 'haves' to your list, or search for what you want, and see who you can trade with. It's as easy as that.

When you're thinking of buying something you only need on a rare occasion (like a chainsaw or a certain kitchen appliance) see if you have any friends who need the same item so you can buy it together.
This idea already exists for holiday homes, and even cars. I've been on a home exchange holiday before as well, which is sort of based on the same principle of sharing.
I love that all of this is free, and it helps us, as a species living on a limited planet, to consume less. 

Websites:

US: www.swap.com
UK: www.swapz.co.uk and www.iswap.co.uk (for anything), www.readitswapit.co.uk (for books).
Netherlands: www.ruilen.nl

Have you ever heard of this idea? Does it appeal to you?

Dance

I love to dance. It's such a joyous way of expressing myself. I do not love getting totally wasted or breathing in cigarette smoke, however. I also don't enjoy being harassed by drunken men or feeling self-conscious about the way I'm dancing.

I used to dance mostly at 'dancing-occasions', such as parties or girls' nights out. There I had all the benefits of good music and having my friends around, but also the disadvantage of the smoke and not being left alone.

Then I took some latin dance classes with a couple of friends, and the teacher told us to practice at home.
The classes have now stopped, but I still dance when I'm home alone!

Put on some great music, preferably music that you've danced to before. Maybe one of the songs from when you were a teenager and went out to party from time to time. Or put on a radio channel that has plenty of dance music. 
If you're a little rusty, start with tapping your foot and gradually work your way up 'till every part of your body is moving. 
Try goofing around a bit to let go of your self-awareness and just enjoy bending your body every way it'll go. Acting foolish is a wonderful way to improve your mood. 
Don't worry about someone walking in too much. Chances are that if they do, you will have given them a cheerfulness-boost too!

I love to put on some great music when I'm sweeping or mopping. I'm already up anyways, and it makes cleaning the house a whole lot more fun.
It's also the most fun exercise routine I've come across so far! Just let yourself go and you'll get a double boost of happiness hormones and exercise all at the same time!

What kind of songs do you suggest dancing too? I'm trying to make a 'dance at home' playlist!

Five 1-Minute Productivity Tips

Picture by Trine de Florie

I know some of you don't have time to rummage around this blog looking for the best advice for your particular situation, so I've gathered some tips to make you more productive instantly. Some of these I have discussed more fully in other posts, in which case I link back to them. Others are easy or quick tips that don't really need a full post explanation.

So how do you give your productivity an instant boost? You pay attention to the little things:

1. Clear your working space. Anything that is within your reach but you don't need, shouldn't be there. A clear surface is a great way to focus on the only thing that's on there, which is your work. Storing away the stuff that's already there, is a matter of seconds really.
   
   
2. Make a to-do list with only the essential tasks on it. Keeping your energy focused on the one thing that should be done first, will make it easier not to worry about all the other stuff. You can always keep a longer to-do list with a week's worth or a month's worth of goals somewhere else, and draw from that every day. Read this post about writing a to-do list for more information!
   
   
3. Take a couple of seconds to focus. It can really help to sit down and gather your thoughts and your energy before you start working. You'll be more controlled and more to the point in your work. That will result in less time wasted on stuff that might otherwise catch your attention, but doesn't matter at all. Wondering how to focus quickly? Read this post to learn how.
   
   
4. Set a time-limit for your work. It may seem counter intuitive to limit the amount of time you spend you work to become more productive, but it does make sense. After working on the same task for a while, your energy starts to dwindle, and so does your productivity. You're better of bundling your energy and working in highly productive spurts. The time you'd spend if you kept working, you can use to perform tasks that don't require much concentration.
   You can use Instant Boss to help you stick to your assigned time.
   
   
5. Give up the idea of multitasking. It doesn't work. When you think you're doing two things at once, you're in reality switching between tasks. However quick you may be able to switch, you ALWAYS lose time in the switching, and, more importantly, you lose focus. Read this post about the myth of multitasking for more!

I love productive days and moments. They make me feel successful. It doesn't matter so much what I do, I can feel successful teaching, cleaning that house, writing or baking bread. It's just the feeling of progressing and working toward a goal that makes it all worthwhile!


How do you keep a focus on being productive? How do you stop procrastinating and start getting things done? I'm always looking for more great advice!

Hug for Health and Happiness

Picture by Kevin Rohr

 I love hugging and cuddling. It makes me feel loved, cherished, safe. I wasn't always a hugger. When we were kids, hugging was not very common in my house. We got plenty when we were younger, but growing up, we seemed to grow out of it. As a teenager, I remember giving my friends a peck on the cheek to great them, instead of a hug. I still do when I'm back at home.

After I got married, I was introduced into hug-happy America, and re-discovered my love of hugging. Now I hug my family whenever I can. I just love to wrap my arms around the people I care about.

When you hug someone, hold'm tight.
Hold'm close with all your might.
Wrap you arms closely 'round
Keep them always, safe 'n' sound
Embrace parent, lover, child and friend
With a love that will never end...

There are numerous health benefits to hugging. They mostly have to do with releasing the hormone oxytocin and decreasing the levels of cortison in your blood. Hugs seem to be especially beneficial for women, but men benefit as well.

You can read about the benefits of hugging here and here, and about how important it is to hug children here.

Can't get enough of hugging? Join the Free Hugs Campaign!
Interested in something more? Read the post on kissing slowly!

A virtual big 'ol bear hug to all of you for reading the blog! I welcome comment-hugs any time of day/night!

MakeTime to Talk

Picture by Jon Wisbey

I find that one of the first things I give up when I have too much work to do, is time to just sit down and talk to my husband, parents or friends. I don't mean that I don't spend time with them. I mean the time spent usually revolves around another activity. It's as if an activity is easier to stick to than just being together, like it's more important, which is ridiculous, of course (are there too many comma's in that sentence?).

One of the things we've managed to do with my husband's parents (and sometimes my parents) is actually set time aside for talking. Since that only happens once every month or so (which is a shame!), there's a lot to catch up on and we're eager to talk on both ends. I love these times, since I don't feel I have to rush off to do something else and can really enjoy just the talking. I get to focus on the conversation, making it interesting and entertaining.

A good conversation can last hours, so it's important that you find (read: create) a gap in your schedule that is big enough to accommodate a proper conversation. No 30 minutes here and there, that doesn't send the right message at all!
Since others might be more inclined to make it to an activity than a casual conversation, invite them over for tea/coffee/kefir (hehe) and a snack. I've had afternoons like this with my girlfriends from college and high school, and with my grandmother. Picnics are a wonderful time for the whole family to be outdoors and focus on each other.

It's important to take the 5 minutes you have and schedule these meetings. Maybe it can even become a weekly or bi-weekly thing. I meet my friend for a chat every week (occasional skips) and my parents meet their old friends once a month now, because they were tired of never seeing each other anymore. Planning is the only way to stop the time slipping through your fingers until you suddenly realized you haven't talked to one of your best friends in months! Don't you just hate that feeling?

It's important to take time to talk even for the people you're living with. Even though you see them every day, you may be living alongside each other rather than together, and that's the start to growing apart. My husband and I spend most of our days in the same apartment, but in different rooms. So we make sure we have activities that allow us to talk (we play cards, for example) or just sit down for a chat from time to time. It makes all the difference.

Is there someone you haven't talked to in a while? When was the last time you had a solid conversation with your significant other?

Unsubscribe to Clear Your Inbox

Picture by Agne Kveselyte

I used to go through my inbox every day looking at 20+ emails of which 3 were from actual people. The rest were newsletters from different companies, websites, blogs. Most of the time I just clicked 'delete' on all of them, occasionally clicking on a link to something that seemed mildly interesting.

Then, one day I came back from a two-week trip, and my inbox was overflowing with the stuff. All emails from websites I'd been interested in in the past, but now didn't care for one bit. I'd get caught up in clicking through gossip (Blake Lively and Leonardo DiCaprio? Really?) or on products I didn't really want or need (why do I need a fancy foot spa if I've got a bucket at home?). So ... I opted out.

Most newsletters and updates that you receive you've signed up for at some point in the past. When you enter information on a website, they can be very sneaky about hiding the 'I'd like to receiver a weekly newsletter' box that's already ticked. So make sure, before you press 'enter' to check for checked boxes.

If you have an inbox overflowing with stuff, open the emails for a change, and scroll down to the bottom. See that tiny print you'd usually ignore? That's what you need to read. There will probably be instructions about how to unsubscribe from the list.

Unsubscribing will mean that you limit your distractions and that you limit the time you spend in your email inbox (wasted time mostly, unless you're writing personal emails). 

Which newsletters are you subscribed too that you never check? I had a couple from Belgium left, from shops I can't get to anyways. Or news websites with mostly gossip. Gone now! Yay!

Naturally, if my blog is on your list of 'to unsubscribe to' I'll be devastated, but I'll live. I find that RSS feeds are a great way to keep getting updates of blogs I like without filling my inbox too quickly. You can always sign up for that!

PS: Don't forget to vote for your Minutes Worth Hours!

Read 'The Science of Getting Rich'

There's a book that I read every single month. It's the book on which 'The Secret' was based, and it's called: The Science of Getting Rich. It's not my life's ambition to get rich, but it is my ambition to lead the life I want to live, and that's what the book helps me focus on. It offers great ideas on how to bring success into every area of your life.

I read it once a month, and every month I focus on a new part. I rediscover something I forgot, or I suddenly find myself interpreting the old words in a new way. The book is a bit dated, so the language is a bit old, but you adjust quickly.

So how is this a 5 minute activity? Well, the chapters are really really really short! It takes me about 5 minutes (or less) to read one chapter. Alright, admittedly, I'm somewhat of a fast reader, and by now I just have to skim to be reminded of the content, but still... I couldn't resist sharing this with you.

I've summarized the main lessons I learned from the book below (there's plenty more than these 5 though):

1. You cannot get what you desire by thinking about the opposite. No one ever got rich thinking about poverty, no one ever became healthy by thinking about disease. So we should focus on what's good in our lives. (Positive thinking motto)
   
2. Feel grateful. This brings you in alignment with the forces of the universe. Or, if you're not impressed by this occult stuff, it makes you happy to focus on the good things you have. It also makes you seem kind. That's always a boon!
   
3. Make every act a success. If everything you do - no matter how small! - is a little success, you can't fail to lead a successful life. Everything you do is either a success or a failure. It's either efficient, or a waste of time. These little successful acts can lead to great wealth.
   
4. Impress the thought of increase on every interaction. When you deal with people, try to make your actions beneficial to them. You're going for a win-win situation. People will be drawn to you, when they get this feeling of increase from you. Of course, don't let them take advantage of you, that's something else altogether.
   
5. Prepare to receive what you want. It's not enough to wish for something in your life, your job is to make sure that you're ready to receive it when it comes along. There's no point wishing for a Mr. Right when you're still with a man you don't love, right? If your Prince Charming came along, you wouldn't be able to be with him anyways.

I've learned a lot from this book, and I hope you will too. You can download it for free (it's so old, there's no more copyright on it!) here.

Let me know what you think, or if you've read it before, or if you've read 'The Secret', or seen the movie, or heard about it and think it's rubbish...

5 Minute Savings

Picture by RAWKU5

I like money. I'm not afraid to say it. I love being able to feel secure and knowing that if I really want something, I could buy it. I love looking at a saving's account, and seeing the amount increase. I love getting paid in big wads of cash when we do private teaching in China. In short, I like the green stuff (although the red ones are the ones to get here!).

Having said that, I don't often think about money. I have no need to, since I don't have to worry about it. That is because we've been both lucky (finding jobs) and careful (don't buy too much we don't need). What I do think about, is how to save up little bits for future plans or emergencies.

While thinking about what next to write for this blog (as I do most days), I thought of how 5 minutes could be all you need to set up a fund of savings for the future.

You could do this two ways: you save 5 minutes per day, or 5 minutes per hour.

Both are based on the same calculation. Think of how much money you make per hour (on average, or exactly) and divide that by 12. That way you'll know exactly how much you make in 5 minutes. You could set this amount aside, or multiply it with the amount of hours you work in a day, and set that aside every day. 

Saving a certain amount of money every hour, day, week or month, is a great way to save. You have a guarantee that your savings will keep growing, and it doesn't feel like you're taking big sums all at once. 

Some ideas of what you could save for? A trip you'd like to take, a new computer you don't really need, a trip to an expensive restaurant, a special gift, ...

5 minutes of an hour is about 8%, if that's easier to calculate. You could up it to 10% if that's easier, and say you work 6 minutes out of each hour for your savings.
Keeping in mind you're working for yourself, and paying yourself (and not your grocery store or bank) for the time you work, can be a great motivational force.

What would you save for? Do you have a piggy bank or something similar?

Become an Early Riser in 5 Minutes a Day

Picture by Andrew Leigh

 Waking up earlier is one of the habits that my husband and I have picked up this last year. We got inspired by the early sunrise in the summer here in East China, and by the habits of the people around us.

It's not uncommon for us to hear people moving around around 5:30, or to get someone to check the gas meter at 6:30.

If we teach at the college in the morning, we leave by 7:15 and we like to have some time to ourselves before that.


Now, we get up around 5 (if we managed to get to bed around 9, which is the requirement if you need 8 hours of sleep, like me), then I check my emails (which is a habit I'm trying to quit as a first thing in the morning), do my yoga, cook and eat breakfast, clear some stuff away, get dressed properly (I even have time to do my hair!) and pack our stuff. We do all of this at a relaxed pace, and it's one of my favorite times of the day!

Waking up earlier can be a challenge. Your sleeping pattern can be difficult to turn around all at once, so ... don't. Make little changes. You could start with as little as - you guessed it! - 5 minutes! Instead of setting the alarm at 6:30, try 6:25. Two days later, change it again. It's how I changed from waking up at 6 to waking up at 5. 
Even when we have time off, we still wake up early. I love to rise with the sun and get my work done sooner. I find I'm more energetic in the morning, and much more productive than in the afternoon. I sometimes take an afternoon nap, but only if I didn't sleep enough at night (we have thin walls and loud neighbors!)


If you're not a morning person, you could still benefit from moving the alarm clock a little earlier, just to give yourself more time to wake up and get your mind going. Having to rush early in the morning is something I haven't missed once. I could fix that problem with only half an hour extra. The same goes for being able to cook a proper breakfast (eggs, slice of toast, piece of fruit) instead of grabbing something on the go.

There are many advantages to waking up early. You can check out this Zen Habits post on the topic, this LifeHack article, or this article on The Bold Life.

Or give Google a go and you'll find tons of information!

If you're not sure about the whole thing, no one's saying you can't go back to mornings in bed after a short experiment, right? But if you do try it out, give yourself at least a month or so to let your body adjust. Then tell me if you still want to go back to waking up at 8 or 9.

Stop Multitasking

Picture by Ruth Elkin

Multitasking is very fashionable these days, especially if you're a woman. Somehow we have gotten it into our minds that doing several things at once is better than doing each thing in its turn.
In fact, there's no such thing as multitasking. It's a myth. There IS, however, such a thing as ultra-fast task-switching. But, no matter how fast it is, it's not faster and definitely not better than just doing each thing in turn.

In The Myth of Multitasking: How "Doing It All" Gets Nothing Done (Amazon link), Dave Crenshaw explains that there's a difference between background tasks and tasks you need to focus on. Somehow, I think we can intuitively tell that exercising while watching a movie is not the same as answering a phone while writing an email. The latter is made up of two tasks that are not yet automated. When an activity becomes automatic, it can be combined with another to multi-task. But before that happens, you're only fooling yourself.

If you need to answer the phone while you're in the middle of a project, do it. Don't let me stop you from doing your work. But instead of talking while staring at your computer screen, turn away from the computer and give the caller your full attention. It will make the call more efficient and the caller feel better.
Multitasking when at work makes you inefficient. Multitasking in your personal life ruins your relationships. People can instantly tell when you're not paying attention to them. You can tell when others do it to you, right?
Save that incoming email for later, and handle your emails one by one, in batches.

To make sure you don't fall into the multitasking trap, turn off electronics that aren't essential to your work. If you're not expecting any phone calls, just turn the phone off. Trust me, if there's an emergency, you'll find out! Bad news travels fast.
If you're worried about forgetting the other things you need to take care of, keep a piece of paper next to you where you can quickly jot down whatever pops into your head. That way you can let go of it for now, and do it later.

I've had to re-learn to focus during my conversations, and not do something else in the mean time. It's especially tempting when I'm talking to someone on skype, and the Internet is staring at me, waiting to be surfed. But I've gotten much better, and I enjoy the conversations so much more!

Do you often multi-task? Are you good at it? What kind of tasks do you find easy to juggle?
This article offers more background information about multitasking. It's a fascinating read, if you have a couple of minutes more.