To Be or Not To Be a Parent: 5 Things to Consider Before Having Children

Picture by Sam Stearman

On the fence or having doubts about having children? You're probably right. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING! And it's better to think about it over and over and be completely sure, before you take the first step on the most important journey of your life (and that of your partner and the child(ren) you're thinking about having).
Several women in my life have told me they do not want to have children, and I have nothing but respect for their choice. I love being a mother, but it's not an easy job! I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn't happen to love it.

Below are five things to run through your mind when deciding whether or not to have children. It's a personal list, so feel free to add or subtract in comments below!

1. Why do you want to have children?
   Probably the most important question to ask yourself is "Why?". There's no right or wrong answer. Just asking the question will clarify things for yourself.
   For example: when we were thinking about it I found research that said that couples without children are happier than those with children. I knew, however, that I wanted a life with as much of the human experience as possible, both good and bad, and that children were a part of that.
   
2. What are your expectations?The worse the better! I'm serious. If you're expecting to get covered in poop while being exhausted and going crazy over a screaming newborn, you're likely to really appreciate the moments your little bundle of joy is sleeping peacefully. If you're expecting to get lots of writing done while your baby is sleeping (um, yes, I thought that would happen) think again!
   
3. What's your baby experience?
   Have you ever looked after a baby for a couple of hours, a whole day? It can throw a clear light on the whole matter. My sister decided to wait a while after she spent some time with our family and saw how much a child can determine your day-to-day activities.
   
4. Can you give it all up?
   A clean house, romantic breakfasts, peaceful evenings, clean clothes, dinner with friends, day-trips, weekends, hobbies? They'll all go out the window, at least for the first few years (depending on how many children you have, and what they're like). Make sure your relationship can taken some shaking too, because tired and grumpy partners are hard to live with.
   
5. Are you in it for the long run?
   I know, it's cliche advice, but in the end if you're heart is in it, all the rest will work itself out. Children grow up fast and before you know it, they're leaving you and you'll be tearing up over it (so I've heard). You don't need tons of money, a house, a car to have a baby. You'll learn to function on less sleep than you thought possible and on a less than existent social life. And the love you feel for this one person becomes the overpowering reason for your existence.

Does that sound like paradise? Then you may just be ready to have children. Remember to take all advice with a grain of salt (including this) and follow your instincts. If all other mammals can keep their cubs, young, piglets or calves alive, I'm sure you'll do just fine!

Soothing a Sick Child

J. Bond Francisco

My little girl was sick last week. Two nights of no sleep took their toll on both baby and Mama (and Daddy too, actually) so the time was right for some reminders of how to keep everyone as sane as possible while going through the roughest patch.

A sick child is a different child. Their character changes, but all this is to reflect their new needs. These are some of the things I did to help my little girl feel as well as she could:

A sick child wants to be with someone all the time. If you think about it, that makes perfect sense. When being sick, you need to be nurtured back to health, so being glued to a care-taker is a normal survival instinct. I used my carrier to carry her and let her sleep on my chest.

Special times call for special treats: lots of cuddles, special toys, story time.

When my baby is sick she doesn't care so much for food other than breastmilk. So I nurse her as often as she wants, as long as she likes.

Getting as much sleep as possible during the day is easier when you spend time in bed together, playing, reading books. Even if she didn't sleep like she used to, lying down would help her rest a little.

To keep ourselves somewhat alive during this time of no sleep and lots of crying, Daddy and I took turns taking care of Savannah and tried to focus as much as possible on staying positive: It's only temporary!

Obviously these tips work for short-term illnesses but you may need a whole other set of skills for a child facing a chronic illness. Either way, seeing your child suffer is always heartbreaking and having others around to support you makes a huge difference! Turn to friends, family or the good old internet and accept all help with open arms!

 

 

 

 

 

Picking up where you left off

Right, it's been a while. Now that we've got that covered, let me say I want to pick this thing up a little bit again. I thought I'd just jump right in and give a glimpse of why I need Minutes Worth Hours now more than ever:

• I'm now a full-time stay-at-home mom of a 15-month-old
• My husband works full time
• Two weeks ago I started my own business as a translator/(copy)writer
• I try to keep a vegetable patch with my mother
• We use cloth diapers and practice attachment parenting

And yet, so my dear husband points out, I still want to do more more more. Obviously I find myself without time to do it and too tired to keep up with anything. Yoga? Hasn't happened in months. Ironing? Three loads waiting upstairs. 

But, I am happy. We've got the most important bases covered. We make enough to cover our expenses. Our baby girl can stay at home instead of go to daycare and, most important of all, she's happy!

So what's my advice for today?

While you're running behind on your chores trying to get everything done and realizing you can't possible manage ... take a breath. Reflect and see if you've got the main things covered that you find of importance. 

If there's anything I've learned having a baby it's that the details don't really matter. What you find important in life, that's what should take up your time and effort. 

In the mean time, try not to flinch when your friend glances at the dirty dishes in the sink. 

As a WAHM I've got some new tips and tricks that I accumulated over the months and will be sharing with you guys. One little piece at a time! Feel like sharing? Comment below or share on facebook to get the conversation started!

My 5 Best Time & Money Saver Tips for Future Parents

Breastfeeding in public: always ready and always free!

Alright, so after 6 months with a baby, I feel that I've learned quite a bit about what helps to save time and worry. These are tips I either heard, or wish I had heard, before having our little girl.

1. Breastfeed!
   If you can, of course. I know a lot of women who've tried and where it didn't work out. But if you're still on the fence and there's no physical or practical impediment you can't work around, go for it! It will save you lots of time and money! And it's pretty much hassle free.
2. Diaper bag ready to go.
   It's been really handy having a diaper bag ready at all times. There's wipes, a few diapers, some burp cloths, a change of clothes and some plastic bags to take dirty clothes home. I just toss in a few of her favorite toys before we leave the house and I'm good to go. No need to worry about forgetting anything.
3. Use a baby carrier.
   It's extremely handy to have your baby with you at all times so you don't have to worry about not hearing him/her cry or whether or not they're still breathing. Baby loves it too, by the way.
4. Shop online.
   Supplies like diapers and wipes I buy online and have delivered to the door instead of going out for them. I buy disposable diapers for going out and use cloth ones at home. I use www.diapers.com.
5. Buy used gear/clothes/etc.
   So much cheaper and you're sure to get stuff that stands the test of time and the test of baby-gums! I actually asked people for used stuff as birth gifts as well and got some incredibly useful and unique items. 

I'll blog about some of these issues again, I'm sure, but for now that's what I want to leave you with. If there's anyone out there who might be interested in this advice, feel free to steer them this way.

If you have advice to offer on the subject, as I'm sure all Mom's out there do, share share share!

Getting Stuff Done With a New Baby

Using the tri-cotti carrier

Hello my old friend. After 6 months this blog is like a glimpse of what life was like pre-baby. By now we've been parents for exactly half a year (today our daughter is six months old) and nobody could have predicted how different life would be.

This blog will undoubtedly reflect our new life with lots of tips for parents with babies and young children, but those of you who don't have any offspring or who's chicks have matured into full-fledged birds won't go without either. Many of the posts will cater to both, so stick with me. Plus, in case you're ever called upon to babysit, you'll know where to look!

Clearly, finding time to do pretty much anything has become quite difficult. It only took me half a year to find a moment to write this post. But there are some tricks to finding spare time when you have a baby that I've been able to try out myself. Feel free to add your own in the comments! I can ALWAYS use an extra couple of minutes!!!

1.   Tip number one: Don't have kids! The only way not to have children take over your life is not to have any. I used to imagine long hours of writing while baby took her naps. Hahahaha! I imagine all those people who already have children must have found it hard not to laugh at my naive image.
   
2. Nap first! As a new mom I've felt pretty much tired every single day since the day baby was born. And I know I'm not the only one. Trying to get stuff done while you're tired is like drying off under a running shower: It never ends. Sleep is essential to your physical health, mental health and, not in the least, your relationships! And a rested mommy is worth ten tired ones!
   
3. Use baby's nap time. When our little girl's asleep, we try to get as much done as possible before she wakes up again. That doesn't mean we'll finish it all, but it's a start!
   
4. Carry baby around. I use a babylonia bb-sling to carry baby on my hip while I hang up laundry, chop veggies, vacuum the house. And Daddy uses it just as much! Baby is entertained and learns a great deal at the same time.
   
5. Chillax! Don't worry about the stuff that doesn't get done, it'll end up stressing you out every single moment of the day.

Life may be completely different with a new baby, but you will find a new normal. Keep in mind as well that most children do eventually grow up to become independent beings. By the time they turn 15, you'll be fighting to spend time WITH them instead of on your own.