To Be or Not To Be a Parent: 5 Things to Consider Before Having Children

Picture by Sam Stearman

On the fence or having doubts about having children? You're probably right. Having a baby changes EVERYTHING! And it's better to think about it over and over and be completely sure, before you take the first step on the most important journey of your life (and that of your partner and the child(ren) you're thinking about having).
Several women in my life have told me they do not want to have children, and I have nothing but respect for their choice. I love being a mother, but it's not an easy job! I can only imagine how much more difficult it would be if I didn't happen to love it.

Below are five things to run through your mind when deciding whether or not to have children. It's a personal list, so feel free to add or subtract in comments below!

1. Why do you want to have children?
   Probably the most important question to ask yourself is "Why?". There's no right or wrong answer. Just asking the question will clarify things for yourself.
   For example: when we were thinking about it I found research that said that couples without children are happier than those with children. I knew, however, that I wanted a life with as much of the human experience as possible, both good and bad, and that children were a part of that.
   
2. What are your expectations?The worse the better! I'm serious. If you're expecting to get covered in poop while being exhausted and going crazy over a screaming newborn, you're likely to really appreciate the moments your little bundle of joy is sleeping peacefully. If you're expecting to get lots of writing done while your baby is sleeping (um, yes, I thought that would happen) think again!
   
3. What's your baby experience?
   Have you ever looked after a baby for a couple of hours, a whole day? It can throw a clear light on the whole matter. My sister decided to wait a while after she spent some time with our family and saw how much a child can determine your day-to-day activities.
   
4. Can you give it all up?
   A clean house, romantic breakfasts, peaceful evenings, clean clothes, dinner with friends, day-trips, weekends, hobbies? They'll all go out the window, at least for the first few years (depending on how many children you have, and what they're like). Make sure your relationship can taken some shaking too, because tired and grumpy partners are hard to live with.
   
5. Are you in it for the long run?
   I know, it's cliche advice, but in the end if you're heart is in it, all the rest will work itself out. Children grow up fast and before you know it, they're leaving you and you'll be tearing up over it (so I've heard). You don't need tons of money, a house, a car to have a baby. You'll learn to function on less sleep than you thought possible and on a less than existent social life. And the love you feel for this one person becomes the overpowering reason for your existence.

Does that sound like paradise? Then you may just be ready to have children. Remember to take all advice with a grain of salt (including this) and follow your instincts. If all other mammals can keep their cubs, young, piglets or calves alive, I'm sure you'll do just fine!

Getting Stuff Done With a New Baby

Using the tri-cotti carrier

Hello my old friend. After 6 months this blog is like a glimpse of what life was like pre-baby. By now we've been parents for exactly half a year (today our daughter is six months old) and nobody could have predicted how different life would be.

This blog will undoubtedly reflect our new life with lots of tips for parents with babies and young children, but those of you who don't have any offspring or who's chicks have matured into full-fledged birds won't go without either. Many of the posts will cater to both, so stick with me. Plus, in case you're ever called upon to babysit, you'll know where to look!

Clearly, finding time to do pretty much anything has become quite difficult. It only took me half a year to find a moment to write this post. But there are some tricks to finding spare time when you have a baby that I've been able to try out myself. Feel free to add your own in the comments! I can ALWAYS use an extra couple of minutes!!!

1.   Tip number one: Don't have kids! The only way not to have children take over your life is not to have any. I used to imagine long hours of writing while baby took her naps. Hahahaha! I imagine all those people who already have children must have found it hard not to laugh at my naive image.
   
2. Nap first! As a new mom I've felt pretty much tired every single day since the day baby was born. And I know I'm not the only one. Trying to get stuff done while you're tired is like drying off under a running shower: It never ends. Sleep is essential to your physical health, mental health and, not in the least, your relationships! And a rested mommy is worth ten tired ones!
   
3. Use baby's nap time. When our little girl's asleep, we try to get as much done as possible before she wakes up again. That doesn't mean we'll finish it all, but it's a start!
   
4. Carry baby around. I use a babylonia bb-sling to carry baby on my hip while I hang up laundry, chop veggies, vacuum the house. And Daddy uses it just as much! Baby is entertained and learns a great deal at the same time.
   
5. Chillax! Don't worry about the stuff that doesn't get done, it'll end up stressing you out every single moment of the day.

Life may be completely different with a new baby, but you will find a new normal. Keep in mind as well that most children do eventually grow up to become independent beings. By the time they turn 15, you'll be fighting to spend time WITH them instead of on your own.

Improve Your Sleep with 5 Minutes Relaxation

(source)

Sleep is one of those things that pregnant women and young mothers learn to say goodbye too. After a while, a solid night's sleep seems like a faraway memory, although a very fond one indeed.

During the course that my husband and I have been taking, however, the midwife showed us some relaxation techniques and I am always pleasantly surprised at how well I sleep after these exercises. I've learned that letting go of tension you build up during the day is key to falling asleep easily and resting comfortably (at least until the next bathroom break).
Below I'll give you some of the tips that she gave us for relaxing your body in about five minutes. No excuse for lack of time here.

Settle yourself down on the bed in a position that is comfortable. Most people will lay down on their back or their side. Breath slowly letting each exhalation go completely before breathing in again.Let your mind wander over the different parts of your body and first tense the muscles, to then release them. Start with your face and make a big frown, tensing all your facial muscles. Then slowly let your face relax completely, paying attention to every single area. In the same way go down your jaw, neck, shoulders, arms, stomach, and so on, until you reach your toes. Feel the tension drain from every part of your body with each breath out. 

Even if you don't use this to fall asleep, it can feel great when you find you have a nagging pain somewhere. Often this is the result of muscles that are too tense because of sitting in the same position or making the same motion each time.

Let me know if it worked for you!

Write a Daily Gratitude List

Picture by Nannette Turner

One of the habits that I picked up last year was due to reading the book 'The Secret'. Some of the lessons of that book were a little far-fetched, and believing the universe will just give you anything you want is a little too easy for my taste, but I did take one advice to heart: to feel grateful every day for the things you already have in your life.

One way to help you focus on this is to write down the things you feel grateful for each day.

When you write your gratitude list and how you do it doesn't really matter. It's the effort of recognizing the things in your life that should be the focus of your effort. I like to write mine at the end of the day, going over the day in my mind again and feeling the joy and peace of mind that comes with reliving those special moments. I then fall asleep with a feeling of bliss and sleep better having put worries out of my mind.
But you could also keep the list with you and jot down things throughout the day as they occur to you. That way you will be reminded of seeing events in their most positive light and to feel lucky each and every moment.

Give it a try, you never know what it might do for you!

I don't think being grateful for what you have will necessarily get you more. It's not a quick-fix to becoming rich. But it does allow you to feel happier with what you already have, which will add riches of a much more worth-while kind to your life.

Plan a Cat-Nap

Picture by Michael Himbeault

Naps are not just a luxury. For many of us, they could make the difference between an afternoon of sluggish dragging your feet or an afternoon full of energy and productivity.
Many cultures incorporate naps as a regular part of the day. In China, also, many people use the 2 hour lunch break for the reason it was intended: to rest for a while after a busy morning.

If you don't plan to take a nap, it's one of those things that gets put off to make room for endless Internet surfing or catalog browsing. Somehow the prospect of going to bed or lying down on the couch is not the most exciting. 

So instead, plan your cat-nap as vigorously and faithfully as your first priority tasks. When you do lay down and get some rest, allow yourself a feeling of accomplishment. Sleeping enough is just as important as eating healthy, so if you can feel good about eating a salad instead of eating a burger, you can feel good about getting some rest instead of shopping on eBay. 

Cat-naps don't have to be long (of course) and often as little as 15 minutes can already make a big difference!

Of course, for pregnant ladies like me naps are not so much optional as do-it-now-or-you'll-never-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day. But I made napping a habit even before getting pregnant, and can fully attest to the benefits.

Give it a try and see what the effect is. Maybe it's not for you, or maybe you'll find your productivity, satisfaction, happiness and energy shooting up.

Any nappers already present on the readers' list? Now's the time to show your true colors and convince others! 

Taking Time Off When You're Sick

Picture by Courtney Carmody

Dear readers, my apologies for the missed posts yesterday and the day before. As you can see, scrolling down, I have made them up. They are now posted. I haven't been feeling my best lately, and may continue to feel crappy for a little while. Nothing serious, so says the doc, but it does mean I have a difficult time getting everything done each day.  Some days are better than others.

As I mentioned before in my post on cutting yourself some slack, I don't really believe in forcing yourself if you don't feel 100%. You're better off getting back to your usual self as quickly as possible, and the best way to do that is by taking care of yourself. If you drag out sickness even longer, it'll only cost you more in the long run.

So my advice for today is to take some time off and to do that in the right way, so it really makes a difference.

First of all, try to clear your schedule as much as possible. If you're feeling under the weather or overly stressed, you won't be performing at your best anyways. The people who work with you will surely understand that a healthy employee/colleague is much more valuable than a sick one. 

Secondly, there are a couple of quick things you can do to help yourself get the rest you need. If you feel sick and find it hard to eat, try eating small, bland snacks: toast, raw fruits and vegetables, crackers, etc. Drink little sips of water throughout the day (not so much that your stomach feels full, otherwise you'll end up feeling sicker than before.)
Have a cup of herbal tea or green tea if you like, but stay away from things like coffee and black tea. The acidic nature of those can upset your stomach, and they won't make you feel sleepy either.
Preparing these snacks and drinks is a matter of minutes but will make your time off feel like what it's supposed to be: A moment to recharge your batteries and get all the rest you possibly can.

Last advice: Put some music or an audio book on your mp3 player before you go to bed. Close your eyes while you listen. The sound will distract you from how bad you're feeling, and you'll drift off to sleep before you know it!

I hate feeling sick, so throughout the years I've tried to come up with the best way to get over it as quickly as possible. Invariably that has been to try and sleep my way through it, occasionally waking up for drinks and small snacks. Luckily I don't get ill very often, but when I do, it usually takes me about two days at most to start feeling better.


What do you do when you're feeling ill? Do you try to push yourself and work as long as possible? Do you hold to the 'mind over matter' idea and try to push through the physical discomfort (like my hubby)?
Let me know!