Treasure Your Tears

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In a culture that revolves around happiness, there seems to be less and less room for those moments in between ecstasy. We try to forget that life is made up of more than joyful times and that we experience a whole range of emotions that make life complete.
As a very melancholic child, I was semi-addicted to sadness. I'm not that way anymore. At all! I'm overall a very positive and happy person. But that doesn't mean I can avoid all pain in my life. Or that I would want to. I've recently come across tears more than usual in my life, my own tears and those of others. And today I want to urge you to treasure the tears that make it into your life.

So what's the benefit of feeling sad? How could you savor tears? And why would you want to?

First of all, think about what your tears are telling you. You're unhappy, sure, but why? Something or someone that you deeply care about is affected in a negative way. 
Even if you wish the situation were different, right now, it's not. So rather than ignoring a bad situation, try to accept it and deal with it as it is. 

How can the tears help?
For one, they show you that you have something in your life worth crying over. That, in itself, is a blessing. Life is full of distractions we hardly care about. Nobody cries over a missed TV episode. If it makes you cry, it matters.

But tears are also a first step toward action. They express your grief and carry in them the desire the change the situation that has occurred. If that's not possible, your tears can at least show you that you have come to terms with and realized what happened. You've accepted. You won't cry if you're in denial. Then, grief is a first step to healing.


But don't only treasure your own tears; accept the tears of others also as a window into who they are. It takes a lot of courage for someone to cry in front of another person, and this vulnerability provides the opportunity to really connect and comfort. Having someone feel comfortable enough to do that shows how strong your relationship really is. Don't try to hush up someone's tears, or try to make them stop crying. Instead, accept it and try to receive them with an open mind and an open heart.

So far my opinion on what it means to cry. I realize it's kind of a dark topic, and that I may seem to go a little over the top, but I can't help carrying my heart on my sleeve. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you already know that. If you're new, you may find out soon enough.

I know it's a sensitive topic, so dare I ask?
How do you feel about crying? Be it by yourself or in company, do you try to avoid it altogether?

Practice Gratitude

Last night, my grandfather passed, much sooner than anyone had expected. A couple of months turned into a couple of weeks. Pa was a real paterfamilias. He had 14 children, 45 grandchildren and 10 great-grandchildren.
I heard that he passed away in his sleep, surrounded by those who were most dear to him. Where last night I let my tears flow naturally, today I try to recover by feeling grateful.

My grandfather was an amazing man, and I can't believe I've had the pleasure of knowing him for such a big part of my life. I feel grateful for all the advice he's given me. For the time he joked that my knitting (a decorative pattern with lots of holes) would not be rainproof. For the story of his life which told us so much about his childhood. For every time he joyfully burst into song, usually cheeky songs from his childhood. I feel that over time, I've had the opportunity to really get to know the man behind our family.

I also feel grateful for how he passed. He was only really sick for a couple of weeks. He was surrounded by love, and this love has brought the whole family together, caring for my grandmother and for each other. I feel fortunate and blessed to be a part of it.

When something in life gets you down. When you lose a loved one, or come across a big disappointment, remember to feel grateful for all the good that has come into your life. In the end, I'd rather grief now over losing someone I loved, than not having known my grandfather at all.

Pa & Moeke

'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all (Alfred Lord Tennyson)

Remembering Memories

Last night, I received some bad news. My grandfather is in the hospital with lung cancer. The doctors give him a year at most, but he might just as easily not make it to his next birthday in August. It is now exceedingly likely I will never see my grandfather in person again. I live on the other side of the world and can't visit as often as I'd like.
I have taken to stealing minutes here and there in my busy day to take solitary walks down memory lane.

I close my eyes and imagine driving up to my grandparents' driveway. I open the door to the house, and smell the familiar scent of coffee and fruit pies. My grandfather is reading a book in his favorite chair. I greet him with a kiss on his stubby cheeks. His warm hand grabs mine, and we start to talk.

My grandparents' driveway

In the conversation, we discuss his childhood adventures, the day he met my grandmother, life as a chicken farmer, and the many children and grandchildren that he's been blessed with.

As the images fly by, more and more pop up that I thought I'd forgotten.
The conscious effort of remembering brings to light even more memories through association.
In a matter of moments, I feel comforted and blessed with memories of a life well-lived.

In a matter of minutes, years of shared meals, conversations and embraces passed by.