Spreading Christmas Cheer!

Picture by Stephen Durham

It's the tinsel-carol-jingle time of year again. My absolute favorite holiday. But I'm spending it in a country that doesn't care so much about it. So how do you get into the Christmas spirit when others around you don't care so much?

Find others who do. Spend your time with people doing something very Christmas-y, like caroling or making sugar cookies in cute Christmas shapes. 


Decorate. Use some lights, cut out some decorations if you don't have any, in short make the room more express the Christmas cheer for you. 


Watch a Christmas movie. My favorite is Love Actually, always gets me in the mood for Christmas. 

Listen to Christmas music. They can get on your nerves sometimes, sure, but those good old classics will definitely set the right tone. 


Read a Christmas story. A first one that comes to mind is 'A Christmas Carol', but there are many more. They're hart warming and a great way to get into the giving spirit yourself.

We've just moved to a new apartment that doesn't have Internet to await the time when we will move to the US. Until that time I won't be able to update (end of January, probably).
Hopefully you'll find plenty of other blogs to keep you busy, and I promise to get back to blogging as soon as possible!

Happy Holidays!
Jorinde

Ten 5-Minute Tips for a Happy Marriage

5 years ago ...

Today is our wedding anniversary. The 5th one already and probably the last one we'll be celebrating with just the two of us for a while. After this year, we'll have our little one with us, so we'll be making the most out of the time we have left.

Five years is not a very long stretch, but we have both already learned a lot during this time. We come from very different back-grounds and got married quickly and unexpectedly in order to be able to stay together. That meant we had to figure out some stuff along the way.

One of the reasons we are so happily married is that we love to do stuff for each other. Treating your partner doesn't have to take a lot of time or preparation.
Here are some of the things we have surprised each other with over the years:

1. Do a chore
   We both love to come home and find the place cleaner than we left it. Just a little clearing away can already make a big difference. It doesn't take much time, but the effect is very noticeable. My hubby loves coming home and finding the dishes are done, for example.
   
2. Leave a note
   Finding a note with a sweet message is always a lovely surprise. You can leave them at home or put them in between a book they're reading.
   
3. Give a back rub
   Especially a tense partner, but really anyone, enjoys the relaxing feeling of a massage. Just sneak up behind them and massage the shoulders and neck. It can make someone relax instantly and feel connected again even if they're mind is busy working over-time.
   
4. Bring a treat
   I love it when my husband brings home a chocolate muffin that I didn't expect, and vice versa. We don't do it too often, so it stays surprising.
   
5. Plan some together time
   When we are home together, it's sometimes easy to just each settle by ourselves (him in front of the computer, me doing my cross-stitch) and not take advantage of the time we have together. It's always nice when we make a plan to spend at least some time playing a game together or watching a movie. Be pro-active here and don't wait for your partner. If they are too busy, they'll let you know when you ask.
   
6. Prepare conversation topics
   It's not a sign of a bad relationship if you prepare topics to talk about. My husband and I can talk for hours without them, but we've learned a lot about each other by using a book with couple's questions and working our way through them. There are just so many topics that never get brought up in daily conversation.
   
7. Ask questions
   Communication is vital. Asking your partner questions about their day and their thoughts will make them feel like you really care. Pay attention to the answers and respond to them too. If they ask you something ("How was your day?") be sure to return the question too!
   
8. Say 'Thank You'
   Showing appreciation for what your partner does can make any task seem worthwhile. I wouldn't do the dishes, ever, if I thought my husband didn't care at all. Knowing he appreciates what I do makes me want to do it. It makes all the difference!
   
9. Bring up a fond memory
   You can use pictures or tell the story of a great time the two of you had together. "Remember when we..." It calls up all the feelings of that happy moment and brings them into the present moment. Using photo's and reminiscing about how different things were back then can show you both how far you've come and appreciate the time you've had together.
   
10. Cuddle, hug, kiss
    A hug out of nowhere is the best treat. It's warming, comforting, reassuring, and a great reminder of how loved you are. I've written about kissing before in this post. Want to know about the benefits of hugging? You can read this post too.

What do you do to surprise your partner? If you're single, what do you expect from a partner in a long-term relationship?
Every relationship is different, but there's something to learn from each of them. Use the comments to share anything you want!

Treasure Your Tears

(source)

In a culture that revolves around happiness, there seems to be less and less room for those moments in between ecstasy. We try to forget that life is made up of more than joyful times and that we experience a whole range of emotions that make life complete.
As a very melancholic child, I was semi-addicted to sadness. I'm not that way anymore. At all! I'm overall a very positive and happy person. But that doesn't mean I can avoid all pain in my life. Or that I would want to. I've recently come across tears more than usual in my life, my own tears and those of others. And today I want to urge you to treasure the tears that make it into your life.

So what's the benefit of feeling sad? How could you savor tears? And why would you want to?

First of all, think about what your tears are telling you. You're unhappy, sure, but why? Something or someone that you deeply care about is affected in a negative way. 
Even if you wish the situation were different, right now, it's not. So rather than ignoring a bad situation, try to accept it and deal with it as it is. 

How can the tears help?
For one, they show you that you have something in your life worth crying over. That, in itself, is a blessing. Life is full of distractions we hardly care about. Nobody cries over a missed TV episode. If it makes you cry, it matters.

But tears are also a first step toward action. They express your grief and carry in them the desire the change the situation that has occurred. If that's not possible, your tears can at least show you that you have come to terms with and realized what happened. You've accepted. You won't cry if you're in denial. Then, grief is a first step to healing.


But don't only treasure your own tears; accept the tears of others also as a window into who they are. It takes a lot of courage for someone to cry in front of another person, and this vulnerability provides the opportunity to really connect and comfort. Having someone feel comfortable enough to do that shows how strong your relationship really is. Don't try to hush up someone's tears, or try to make them stop crying. Instead, accept it and try to receive them with an open mind and an open heart.

So far my opinion on what it means to cry. I realize it's kind of a dark topic, and that I may seem to go a little over the top, but I can't help carrying my heart on my sleeve. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you already know that. If you're new, you may find out soon enough.

I know it's a sensitive topic, so dare I ask?
How do you feel about crying? Be it by yourself or in company, do you try to avoid it altogether?

5 Ways to Keep Bed Rest Interesting

Picture by Ahmad Ridhwan

So my doctor put me on a mild version of bed rest for the time being. I'm choosing to see it as a forced holiday instead of the drag it's usually made out to be, and am planning to make the most of it. How do you do that?

The internet has made it much easier these days to do a whole bunch of things even if you're not allowed to go out or get out of bed except for bathroom trips and showers.
This is how I plan to get through the next two weeks and what I would suggest to other people. These tips can all be applied in 5 minutes or less, but will be worth so much more:

1. Plan your day
   Even if you don't have to do anything, no work, no responsibilities, it will make your time much more enjoyable if you have something planned to do. Think of a rudimentary schedule so you have an idea of what you will do when.
   
2. Start a project
   Having something productive to do can make you feel less helpless and useless. If all you need to do is rest, but you're otherwise in good health, then it's easy to get restless while resting (as contradictory as that may sound). Having a project to work on, such as a craft, writing, or other assignment, can make you feel like you're using your time well.
   
3. Invite friends over
   Being confined to the house will probably mean that you're not interacting with others as much as you're used to. No more casual conversation at the grocery store or at work. To maintain your link with the outside world, invite friends over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake.
   
4. Limit your break-time activities
   Don't be tempted to play a computer game for 5 hours or watch three movies in a row. Then you may feel that instead of relaxing you're just forcing time to go by, and time becomes your enemy instead of your friend. Remember that time, any time we have, is a gift that we'll never get back. Seeing it that way will ensure that you find a great use for it!
   
5. Start learning something new
   How about picking up a craft or learning a new language? Get a 'Dummies' book or a good tape and start studying. Find something you've always wanted to study but never had time for and do it.

The reason I sort of know what to do is that I've had holidays which resemble house arrest. I would stay at home all day and do nothing, and then feel horrible after. So I figured out ways to use that time effectively. Sure, bed rest puts a limit on the kind of activities you can do, but these days there is still so much left.

Have you ever been put on bed rest or house arrest because of a medical condition? How did you pass the time? I'd love to hear more ideas to make the most of my obligatory holiday.

Here's hoping you'll never be put on bed rest, and that if you are, these tips might make it more bearable for you.

To Cocoon or Not to Cocoon

Photo by Andrew Spenceley

It's raining. It's gray. It's dark and gloomy. There's no good reason at all to go outside. Actually, there doesn't seem to be much reason to leave the bed. At all. Ever again!
I'm sure I'm not the first and only person who has this kind of response to the typical fall weather. It's so common in Belgium I'm sure we have chronic sufferers. Here in Yantai, it's sunny nearly all the time, however, so it takes some getting used to again.

There are different ways of responding to this kind of weather, and I want to cover my favorite and my friend's favorite. I love to cocoon, she prefers to get out and find some fun.

What is 'cocooning' in my understanding? Staying inside, with a hot drink, and something you enjoy doing. Ideally you go under covers right after dinner with a cup of tea and a nice book. You use various techniques for staying warm to counter the cold and dreary outside atmosphere. You create a kind of opposite environment inside. Great tools for this are color (pillows, blankets, curtains), candles, cheerful music, sweet food. 
A few of these touches might make a big difference in your day.


But that's not what you do if you're Lisa (my friend). She refuses to let the weather dictate her moves and instead seeks out fun and interesting activities out of the house. She'll meet with others, have Christmas caroling practice or go shopping. Anything not to feel cooped up in the house for too long. 


I'm sure that what kind of house your cooped up in (and which co-habitants are there with you) would have a big impact on which of these directions you would take. But our nature (introvert or extrovert) might have something to do with it too. 

Remember that either of these ways to deal with dreary weather should help you boost up your morale. Everyone is different, so respect those who prefer to stay in/go out if you don't.


What do you do on a day like this? Are you affected by the weather or does it barely make a difference apart from the occasional beach party? I'd love to hear I'm not the only one who needs the extra boost!

Ps. Did you notice how I only used one vowel in the title?