Let Someone Help

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We live in a culture where independence and self-reliance are valued much more than cooperation or the ability to ask for help. But with that we not only make it more difficult for ourselves, we also limit the people around us. Being able to help a friend, a family member, someone in need, is a great boost to your mood and your feelings of self-worth.

So today I want to urge you to allow someone to help you, because it's a win-win situation. You get someone on your team helping you achieve what you want and you offer the other person the opportunity to feel and do good.

When your partner offers to cook you dinner, when your best friend asks to get you something for your birthday or when a colleague wants to take some work off your desk ... let them!
Remember how enjoyable it is to help someone? Why would you want to take that feeling away from the people that care about you? 
We often feel that accepting help is the same as admitting weakness or that it chips away at our independence. We don't want to be demanding, needy. 
An offer to help, however, is a chance to do something for someone else, too. See it that way and you may discover that you can exchange favors and grow closer instead of each trying to do everything on their own.

I'm in my third trimester and definitely need a bit of extra help. My husband has been great about helping me out, and my sincere appreciation and increased comfort makes it all worth it for him. It draws us closer in a time where it's really just my body going through these changes and the hubby can just see my belly grow but can't feel what I feel. This way we're already cooperating even though the baby is not born yet. It's a wonderful feeling for both of us.

Do you find it hard to let people help you? Do you offer to help others only to find they can't accept your help? Feel free to share below!

Spreading Christmas Cheer!

Picture by Stephen Durham

It's the tinsel-carol-jingle time of year again. My absolute favorite holiday. But I'm spending it in a country that doesn't care so much about it. So how do you get into the Christmas spirit when others around you don't care so much?

Find others who do. Spend your time with people doing something very Christmas-y, like caroling or making sugar cookies in cute Christmas shapes. 


Decorate. Use some lights, cut out some decorations if you don't have any, in short make the room more express the Christmas cheer for you. 


Watch a Christmas movie. My favorite is Love Actually, always gets me in the mood for Christmas. 

Listen to Christmas music. They can get on your nerves sometimes, sure, but those good old classics will definitely set the right tone. 


Read a Christmas story. A first one that comes to mind is 'A Christmas Carol', but there are many more. They're hart warming and a great way to get into the giving spirit yourself.

We've just moved to a new apartment that doesn't have Internet to await the time when we will move to the US. Until that time I won't be able to update (end of January, probably).
Hopefully you'll find plenty of other blogs to keep you busy, and I promise to get back to blogging as soon as possible!

Happy Holidays!
Jorinde

Ten 5-Minute Tips for a Happy Marriage

5 years ago ...

Today is our wedding anniversary. The 5th one already and probably the last one we'll be celebrating with just the two of us for a while. After this year, we'll have our little one with us, so we'll be making the most out of the time we have left.

Five years is not a very long stretch, but we have both already learned a lot during this time. We come from very different back-grounds and got married quickly and unexpectedly in order to be able to stay together. That meant we had to figure out some stuff along the way.

One of the reasons we are so happily married is that we love to do stuff for each other. Treating your partner doesn't have to take a lot of time or preparation.
Here are some of the things we have surprised each other with over the years:

1. Do a chore
   We both love to come home and find the place cleaner than we left it. Just a little clearing away can already make a big difference. It doesn't take much time, but the effect is very noticeable. My hubby loves coming home and finding the dishes are done, for example.
   
2. Leave a note
   Finding a note with a sweet message is always a lovely surprise. You can leave them at home or put them in between a book they're reading.
   
3. Give a back rub
   Especially a tense partner, but really anyone, enjoys the relaxing feeling of a massage. Just sneak up behind them and massage the shoulders and neck. It can make someone relax instantly and feel connected again even if they're mind is busy working over-time.
   
4. Bring a treat
   I love it when my husband brings home a chocolate muffin that I didn't expect, and vice versa. We don't do it too often, so it stays surprising.
   
5. Plan some together time
   When we are home together, it's sometimes easy to just each settle by ourselves (him in front of the computer, me doing my cross-stitch) and not take advantage of the time we have together. It's always nice when we make a plan to spend at least some time playing a game together or watching a movie. Be pro-active here and don't wait for your partner. If they are too busy, they'll let you know when you ask.
   
6. Prepare conversation topics
   It's not a sign of a bad relationship if you prepare topics to talk about. My husband and I can talk for hours without them, but we've learned a lot about each other by using a book with couple's questions and working our way through them. There are just so many topics that never get brought up in daily conversation.
   
7. Ask questions
   Communication is vital. Asking your partner questions about their day and their thoughts will make them feel like you really care. Pay attention to the answers and respond to them too. If they ask you something ("How was your day?") be sure to return the question too!
   
8. Say 'Thank You'
   Showing appreciation for what your partner does can make any task seem worthwhile. I wouldn't do the dishes, ever, if I thought my husband didn't care at all. Knowing he appreciates what I do makes me want to do it. It makes all the difference!
   
9. Bring up a fond memory
   You can use pictures or tell the story of a great time the two of you had together. "Remember when we..." It calls up all the feelings of that happy moment and brings them into the present moment. Using photo's and reminiscing about how different things were back then can show you both how far you've come and appreciate the time you've had together.
   
10. Cuddle, hug, kiss
    A hug out of nowhere is the best treat. It's warming, comforting, reassuring, and a great reminder of how loved you are. I've written about kissing before in this post. Want to know about the benefits of hugging? You can read this post too.

What do you do to surprise your partner? If you're single, what do you expect from a partner in a long-term relationship?
Every relationship is different, but there's something to learn from each of them. Use the comments to share anything you want!

Treasure Your Tears

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In a culture that revolves around happiness, there seems to be less and less room for those moments in between ecstasy. We try to forget that life is made up of more than joyful times and that we experience a whole range of emotions that make life complete.
As a very melancholic child, I was semi-addicted to sadness. I'm not that way anymore. At all! I'm overall a very positive and happy person. But that doesn't mean I can avoid all pain in my life. Or that I would want to. I've recently come across tears more than usual in my life, my own tears and those of others. And today I want to urge you to treasure the tears that make it into your life.

So what's the benefit of feeling sad? How could you savor tears? And why would you want to?

First of all, think about what your tears are telling you. You're unhappy, sure, but why? Something or someone that you deeply care about is affected in a negative way. 
Even if you wish the situation were different, right now, it's not. So rather than ignoring a bad situation, try to accept it and deal with it as it is. 

How can the tears help?
For one, they show you that you have something in your life worth crying over. That, in itself, is a blessing. Life is full of distractions we hardly care about. Nobody cries over a missed TV episode. If it makes you cry, it matters.

But tears are also a first step toward action. They express your grief and carry in them the desire the change the situation that has occurred. If that's not possible, your tears can at least show you that you have come to terms with and realized what happened. You've accepted. You won't cry if you're in denial. Then, grief is a first step to healing.


But don't only treasure your own tears; accept the tears of others also as a window into who they are. It takes a lot of courage for someone to cry in front of another person, and this vulnerability provides the opportunity to really connect and comfort. Having someone feel comfortable enough to do that shows how strong your relationship really is. Don't try to hush up someone's tears, or try to make them stop crying. Instead, accept it and try to receive them with an open mind and an open heart.

So far my opinion on what it means to cry. I realize it's kind of a dark topic, and that I may seem to go a little over the top, but I can't help carrying my heart on my sleeve. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you already know that. If you're new, you may find out soon enough.

I know it's a sensitive topic, so dare I ask?
How do you feel about crying? Be it by yourself or in company, do you try to avoid it altogether?

Hire Someone Else - Trade Jobs

Picture by Iain Farrell

There are some tasks which are more suited to some people than to others. I actually know people who enjoy cleaning, and I'm one of the few people I know who doesn't mind ironing. But I'm sure there's plenty of things that you don't really like to do. How about hiring someone else to do them for you?

When I say 'hire' someone, I don't necessarily mean paying someone else to do your chores for you. You could also trade tasks with another member of your household or a neighbor.
Do you know that your neighbor or friend really loves gardening but hates cooking? How about trading responsibilities and asking them to help you out in return for a home-cooked meal?

If you have no one to trade with, and can afford it; consider actually paying someone to do those things for you you don't enjoy.
My mom recently hired a cleaning lady and really loves it. It has helped her free up time for things she enjoys doing. I once worked for a place that does people's laundry for them (I helped with the ironing, naturally.)I have a friend in China who pays a student to help her out with errands, and loves how much trouble it saves her.

Thinking that spending an hours wages on an hours pay is not a good use of your money only makes sense if you don't enjoy your job. If you do, wouldn't you rather trade one hour at a job you enjoy for the hour of chores that you hate?

Do you employ anyone or use a service to help you out with stuff? Do you ever regret the money you spend on it? How about chores in your house?

5 Ways to Keep Bed Rest Interesting

Picture by Ahmad Ridhwan

So my doctor put me on a mild version of bed rest for the time being. I'm choosing to see it as a forced holiday instead of the drag it's usually made out to be, and am planning to make the most of it. How do you do that?

The internet has made it much easier these days to do a whole bunch of things even if you're not allowed to go out or get out of bed except for bathroom trips and showers.
This is how I plan to get through the next two weeks and what I would suggest to other people. These tips can all be applied in 5 minutes or less, but will be worth so much more:

1. Plan your day
   Even if you don't have to do anything, no work, no responsibilities, it will make your time much more enjoyable if you have something planned to do. Think of a rudimentary schedule so you have an idea of what you will do when.
   
2. Start a project
   Having something productive to do can make you feel less helpless and useless. If all you need to do is rest, but you're otherwise in good health, then it's easy to get restless while resting (as contradictory as that may sound). Having a project to work on, such as a craft, writing, or other assignment, can make you feel like you're using your time well.
   
3. Invite friends over
   Being confined to the house will probably mean that you're not interacting with others as much as you're used to. No more casual conversation at the grocery store or at work. To maintain your link with the outside world, invite friends over for a cup of tea and a piece of cake.
   
4. Limit your break-time activities
   Don't be tempted to play a computer game for 5 hours or watch three movies in a row. Then you may feel that instead of relaxing you're just forcing time to go by, and time becomes your enemy instead of your friend. Remember that time, any time we have, is a gift that we'll never get back. Seeing it that way will ensure that you find a great use for it!
   
5. Start learning something new
   How about picking up a craft or learning a new language? Get a 'Dummies' book or a good tape and start studying. Find something you've always wanted to study but never had time for and do it.

The reason I sort of know what to do is that I've had holidays which resemble house arrest. I would stay at home all day and do nothing, and then feel horrible after. So I figured out ways to use that time effectively. Sure, bed rest puts a limit on the kind of activities you can do, but these days there is still so much left.

Have you ever been put on bed rest or house arrest because of a medical condition? How did you pass the time? I'd love to hear more ideas to make the most of my obligatory holiday.

Here's hoping you'll never be put on bed rest, and that if you are, these tips might make it more bearable for you.

To Cocoon or Not to Cocoon

Photo by Andrew Spenceley

It's raining. It's gray. It's dark and gloomy. There's no good reason at all to go outside. Actually, there doesn't seem to be much reason to leave the bed. At all. Ever again!
I'm sure I'm not the first and only person who has this kind of response to the typical fall weather. It's so common in Belgium I'm sure we have chronic sufferers. Here in Yantai, it's sunny nearly all the time, however, so it takes some getting used to again.

There are different ways of responding to this kind of weather, and I want to cover my favorite and my friend's favorite. I love to cocoon, she prefers to get out and find some fun.

What is 'cocooning' in my understanding? Staying inside, with a hot drink, and something you enjoy doing. Ideally you go under covers right after dinner with a cup of tea and a nice book. You use various techniques for staying warm to counter the cold and dreary outside atmosphere. You create a kind of opposite environment inside. Great tools for this are color (pillows, blankets, curtains), candles, cheerful music, sweet food. 
A few of these touches might make a big difference in your day.


But that's not what you do if you're Lisa (my friend). She refuses to let the weather dictate her moves and instead seeks out fun and interesting activities out of the house. She'll meet with others, have Christmas caroling practice or go shopping. Anything not to feel cooped up in the house for too long. 


I'm sure that what kind of house your cooped up in (and which co-habitants are there with you) would have a big impact on which of these directions you would take. But our nature (introvert or extrovert) might have something to do with it too. 

Remember that either of these ways to deal with dreary weather should help you boost up your morale. Everyone is different, so respect those who prefer to stay in/go out if you don't.


What do you do on a day like this? Are you affected by the weather or does it barely make a difference apart from the occasional beach party? I'd love to hear I'm not the only one who needs the extra boost!

Ps. Did you notice how I only used one vowel in the title?

20 Things to Feel Grateful For Every Day!

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Recognizing the good in your life is a great short-cut to happiness. Finding out what you already have and how you really feel about it will show you that you may be much happier than you realize already. And to help you get along in counting the blessings in your life, I've assembled a list of 20 things we can all be grateful for every day (or at least the majority of us).

This list is guaranteed to cheer you up!

1. The fact that you're alive! Out of all the zillion possible human beings that could have been created, the fact that we are the ones that made it. Our parents met, they fell in love (or into bed drunkenly), out of all the possible combinations that could have come from that union, we are the ones that came into being. The chances of existing are so tiny that we should feel grateful every day to have made it.
   
2. To be living on a planet that not only sustains, but also provides for the life on it.
   
3. Your health.
   
4. For the food you can eat.
   
5. The ability to read, learn, experience life.
   
6. A brain that has the ability to comprehend its own magnificence.
   
7. Your family, the love they feel for you and you for them.
   
8. Your friends.
   
9. The roof over your head and walls around you that keep out the rain, wind or sunshine.
   
10. The clothes that keep you warm and protected.
    
11. The money that allows you to buy what you need.
    
12. The purpose in your life, be it work, study, taking care of the family or searching for a new purpose.
    
13. The kindness of strangers: a seat offered on the bus, someone who holds the door open, help bagging your groceries.
    
14. The warm fuzzy feeling of waking up and taking 3 extra minutes in a cozy bed.
    
15. A hot cup of coffee/tea/coco on a cold day. A smile when you're sad. A surprising ray of sunshine through dark clouds.
    
16. The amazing benefits of the modern world: your phone, computer, the internet, fridge, running hot water, etc.
    
17. The memories you can access whenever you feel like it.
    
18. The experiences that made you who you are today, be they bad or good ones.
    
19. The knowledge you have acquired over the years and how it benefits you every day.
    
20. The awareness of everything you can be grateful for.

It's not difficult to think of things to be grateful for. They will be different for everyone, but these 20 will be common to many of us. Being reminded of the things we take for granted can open our eyes to the wonders of life. 

Triple Inspiration: Thanksgiving Edition

I've been teaching all my students about gratitude this week, and will be doing next week. I'll write another post on the importance it has played in my life tomorrow (aka I will write it today and it'll be posted tomorrow!)

So this week I'd like to put the focus on feeling grateful, using some quotes to inspire you. Technically Thanksgiving of course celebrates the harvest and the sharing between two completely different cultures, but it's also a great time to take a moment of feeling grateful for what we already have, before heading out to become the mass-pre-Christmas-consumers that we are.

Get Productive!

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation 

is not to utter words, but to live by them."

(John F. Kennedy)

Get Happy!
"He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, 

but rejoices for those which he has."

(Epictetus) 

Get Inspired!

"There is not a more pleasing exercise of the mind than gratitude.  It is accompanied with 

such an inward satisfaction that the duty is sufficiently rewarded by the performance."  

(Joseph Addison)

Write a Thank-You Note

Most of us are so used to the people around us, we sometimes take them for granted. Yes, I admit it, I do it too! We forget the little things that people do for us in our daily lives, because we've gotten used to them or are too buy to notice them. But stop to think for a moment of all the little things YOU do for someone else. That's easier to remember, right?
Maybe you did the dishes this morning? Did you hold the elevator? Did you surprise someone with a beautiful poem?

Thank-You-Note for my brother-in-law

Think about a person in your life that you see often, probably daily. Now, think about how this person has changed something in his/her behavior to accommodate you. What did they do? How does it make you feel?

Write your feelings on a nice card or a random piece of paper. Only handwritten notes allowed! Leave it for someone to find on this Thanksgiving Day. If you receive a Thank-You-Note, pay it forward!

Remembering Our Veterans

Photo by Tijl Vercaemer

Today is in both Europe and North America an important day. We remember the end of the World War I and all those who fought to protect their homeland and the homes of others. In Belgium and France, which both still carry traces of the trenches and where farmers still dig up bombs from time to time, this day calls us back to a time of horrors that are unknown to us now. But how do you get beyond the ceremony and find a meaningful way to personally remember fallen and surviving veterans?

A great way to pay our respects to the victims and the ones who lived through it is by looking around us and appreciating what peace has brought us. Notice the amount of wealth and stability we can live in, the many young men that are able to pursue other careers than those on the frontiers, and the feeling of safety that we can enjoy. 

But also take a moment to think about those who are still fighting and suffering in wars worldwide. There are people who wake up every day fearing for their lives, and the lives of those they love. Although their problems may seem far off, keeping in mind that our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers were in the same position can help us relate and connect. 

I find that it helps me to remember and appreciate if I try to do some random acts of kindness throughout the day. I pay extra attention to those around me to see if there is some small kind of suffering I may be able to relieve.

Do you do anything special on this day? Does it mean anything to you?

On Being Ignored

Picture by Michael Westley

Today, as I took the bus home from school, I saw two American girls on there that I have noticed before. I've met them once at a party, but we never really talked.Still, it's quite common for foreigners in Yantai to greet each other without ever having met before and strike up a random conversation, so imagine my surprise when I looked at them and they didn't look back but kept on chatting! I took my seat, and at the next stop they got off, walking by me as if I didn't exist (or was just another Chinese person they'd never met before).

The whole thing seemed kind of ridiculous, and I couldn't help wondering the rest of the way home, why they didn't acknowledge that I was there. Perhaps they don't really remember me and feel awkward; perhaps they are severely Euro-phobic, perhaps they thought I wasn't one of the cool crowd, etc. The ideas became gradually more ridiculous.

So next time you find yourself in a similar situation, do what I did in the end: absolutely nothing!
Unless you have a sure way of finding out why someone is ignoring you, just stop worrying about it. Clearly you were not meant to be great friends, and you may not be losing out on much not getting better acquianted with this person. 

Whatever someone may or may not think about you is often more of a reflection of them, than it is of you. You have little to do with other people's perceptions, because that's what they are: perceptions. They are not reality. 

After I gave up trying to figure out why I was being ignored, I looked around and saw how many people do notice me every day: The lady who gave up her seat for me, friends who pass me on their bicycles, students that see me from far away. It can be unsettling to find someone ignore you, but I'm sure it's the exception! 

Fall Color Feast

Picture by Lee Cannon

It's that time of year when all around us the leaves are changing color. Every Spring and Autumn I'm torn between which season is my favorite, and this time I'm again noticing all the splendor of Fall in Yantai, China. It's probably the driest season here, which means that the leaves all seem to change color at slightly different times. So each tree has a whole range of different shades going from green to yellow, orange, red and everything in between.

Running around from one place to another, we don't always take the time to notice the changing seasons around us. It seems as if a year flies by unnoticed and we just need one of those little tricks to help us slow down time and make the most of every moment.
One of the ways to make time pass more slowly is by noticing the details around us more. It makes time expand in our mind at the present time and in our memory, because filling your mind with detailed memories of a certain day or couple of hours makes that time feel more intense after. That's why, in our memories, the weekend we spent sightseeing in France seems so much longer than the week of work before (for more on this see this post).

So take a moment this season to notice all the gorgeous colors around you and take a minute to breathe in the fresh autumn air! Sure, it'll come around again next year, but that's no reason to miss out this year.

Being more aware of the present moment is something I strive to about 50% of the time (aka when I'm not asleep these days).
Any other ideas of how to do this? Share your ideas, blog posts, articles, and so on, in the comments below!

5 Ways to Cut Back Facebook Time

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I've betrayed myself. Only months after I wrote this post on how and why to quit facebook, I went back. Now, since this is my blog, I have exclusive justification rights which I plan to exploit to the fullest! You may call me a hypocrite in the comments below, but up here, I'm the only one talking.

All kidding aside, I do have (good) reasons for returning to facebook. One is that I have awful friends who don't know how to keep an email conversation going beyond 3 emails. The other is that I am pretty much the same. Other reasons include all those pictures I didn't get to see of my friends and family: Kids growing up. great places to see, etc. And of course, facebook is a great (read: free) marketing tool for things like, um, this blog?

Still, my reasons for quitting in the first place haven't changed. I'm still worried about spending too much time on there instead of doing stuff that'll matter in the end, so I've thought of some ways to keep myself from spending too much time getting lost on the profiles of friends-of-friends I hardly know.

1. Unsubscribe from e-mail notifications.
   It's much easier to stay away from a website if there's nothing that's drawing you back there. One of the things that gets me on a website (facebook, couchsurfing, blogger) is when I get emails that alert me to some kind of change. I've now unsubscribed from every single notification on the website, and now only log on when I feel like it.
2. Limit the flow of information.
   There is more information floating around on facebook (or the web for that matter) than what we possibly could or would ever want to process. Use those little arrows that let you unsubscribe from the stuff you don't really care about. Lots of facebook contacts are acquaintances of mine. It's nice to know when something important happens, but I really don't need to know what each one had for breakfast.
3. Set a specific time.
   Control yourself by setting a limited time on which you will look around facebook stuff. I suggest doing this for most activities because it will make you more focused and involved with the activity at hand. A limited time means that the time you spend on your activity becomes more valuable. You can use the tool I mentioned in this post to help you.
4. Set priorities.
   If you know what you want to see, who you want to get in touch with, what you want to do; then you'll be able to focus on that one thing and do it quickly and efficiently. Don't just 'go on facebook', do something specific like 'looking at friends' holiday pictures', 'updating your status' or 'sending a birthday message'.
5. Quit the games!
   No further explanation needed, I'm sure. When I quit it was the height of Farmville. I see that has come and gone to make room for other, similar stuff.   

A great way to motivate yourself is to track how much time you spend on facebook for a week, and see which other goals you would be able to accomplish within that time (or part of that time).

5 Adventures to be Had in Your State

Note: This is a guest post by Kara Taylor. She is a freelance writer who loves to clear her head with adventurous outdoor activities.
For more information on being a guest author, or having me write a guest post for your blog, click here.

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Finding the time and money to take a family vacation or have a bit of an adventure seems more and more of a challenge in today’s difficult economic times. However, having a bit of fun outdoors doesn’t have to be impossible. In fact, there are many outdoor adventures and activities to be had without even leaving the state or country. 

Regardless of your budget, you are bound to find inexpensive options that the whole family will enjoy. 

A brief, outdoor getaway is simple, affordable and can be the perfect way for you and your loved ones to relax without breaking the bank.

Here is a list of our favorite five outdoor activities you can do without leaving your state:

1. Hiking

Hiking is a great way to spend some time outdoors. Most states have designated hiking trails for individuals and can be found easily through your search engine. You may also want to consider your state’s tourism guide. The equipment required for your hike will depend on how long your hike will be as well as the climate and surroundings. As a rule of thumb, you will want to carry plenty of water, a map and food. Boots or extremely durable, comfortable shoes are also recommended. Other items that you may require include a flashlight, additional clothes, sunscreen and a first aid kit. A GPS navigation device is also a good idea if you are planning on hiking off-trail. 

2. Camping

If you’re really adventurous, you may want to consider camping as part of your hike. You may also consider car camping—which is done by camping near your car so that more supplies may be stored. Again, you can find camping websites for each state. Supplies can be found at your local hardware store or specialty outdoors and sports stores. You may also find bargains at local thrift shops. It’s important to take along a tent for shelter, first aid materials, sleeping bags, food and water. You may also want to consider items to make a camp fire (if this is legal in your state). A change of clothes, personal care items, trash bags and utensils are also important. Many state parks offer free or low-cost camp ground accommodations. 

3. Fishing

Fishing is great for people of all ages. It is a great way to relax and enjoy the outdoors. Fishing equipment can be purchased at general retailers such as Wal-Mart or Target. You could also visit specialty stores. You will need fishing poles, bait and other accessories which can be purchased relatively cheaply. Make certain to check your local gaming and fishing laws to ensure that you do not need a license in order to fish. Young children should always be supervised when fishing!

4. ATVs

All-terrain vehicles (ATVs) are also known as three or four wheelers, or quads. These vehicles are designed for off-road fun. An ATV is similar to a motorcycle but gives more stability to the driver. ATV sale and rental for your family can be a great way to race and spend time outdoors. ATVs can be bought in all sizes. Remember that young children should be supervised and always wear protective gear. For an experienced, mature rider, ATV racing is an extremely fun and exciting way to relax with friends. For more information on buying your own all-terrain vehicle, check out ATV sale

5. Water sports

How about jet skiing, boating, tubing and surfing? Water sports are a fantastic way to relax and spend some time and fun in the sun. Often, you can rent or buy the equipment for such water activities at an inexpensive rate. Many local renters will offer hourly rates and daily rates on boats and jet skis. Only experienced drivers should handle this equipment. Make sure that proper safety precautions are taken, including but not limited to life jackets. Check your state’s tourism site for water recreation areas near you.

Remember, relaxation doesn’t have to cost a ton of money. These are just five ideas for taking an inexpensive adventure within your state. Are you looking for an adventure?

Show Your True You

I did it. I caved and bought myself a 3 month subscription to a VPN service so I can hop that dangerously wired fence called the Great Chinese Firewall.
So there goes all that time I saved not being able to watch youtube videos or check social networks. But at least it also allows me to access this blog without any problems whatsoever! So, totally worth the money!

Picture by Chiara Marra

Today I wanted to talk about something that stood out to me after I posted my last blog post, which was an episode of Triple Inspiration on Sunday. In this post I mentioned one of the books I am currently reading. It's an anthology of atheist quotes. After this post, I found that the next day, 1/3 of my RSS subscribers was gone. Don't worry, my list of loyal subscribers is short, so it wasn't a huge number, but I value all of my readers and was sad to see so many go.
I'm not sure if there was a connection, but somehow I would not be surprised. I've seen people cringe at that information before.
So I thought by myself, whether it would have been better not to say anything and just stay neutral. Just be a sort of generic person that everyone can relate to equally.
But that's not very 'me', and not really the kind of person I would want anyone else to be either. So today's post is an appeal to all of you to stay true to who you are as a person; and to let your own dreams and feelings be in charge of how you act.

There are few things more scary than showing who you truly are, and then being rejected for it. One of the appealing aspects of acting out a role is that you don't have to take any negative responses personally. They don't say anything about you as a person.

Today I want to tell you that even when you are being your true self, negative responses only say something about your relationship with the person who's responding to you. There's no knowing how people will react to you whether you're acting or not. When someone disagrees with you or thinks badly of you, it says as much about them as it does about you. One of the things I've learned in China is that my preconceived notions of politeness and good manners, and my judging of the lack thereof in my students, says much more about my culture than about theirs.

Life is too short to go around trying to be someone/something you're not. I stopped acting like I enjoyed big crowds and loud music because it made me miserable, and frankly, I haven't lost any friends over it. They may think I'm a 50 year old in 26 year old skin, but I like it that way. 

I have a lot of different kinds of friends. With some I agree on almost everything, with others on barely anything. Yet I value them for who they are, and for showing who they really are, even when they know I disagree and may think them foolish. I draw power and inspiration from these people.

What about you?

Spread Some Good News!

Photo by Dasha Bondareva

Hello dear time-savers and life-optimizers!

After a short holiday I'm back, better and more energized than ever. Full of new ideas to share with all of you!

Today I want to talk about the pleasure that comes from the couple of minutes it takes to share good news. I love the way it can change someone's day in an instant. Good news doesn't have to be anything big. It could be personal, about someone you know, or something you read in the newspaper. But it instantly puts the focus on something positive and worthwhile.

When sharing good news, you may want to think about how you break this particular bit of news to the people around you. Especially if it's something huge like an engagement or an exciting new job. 

I recently told my friends some big news, and this is how I worded it:

"Dear friends, I'm emailing you to tell you about this project we have been working on lately. We've been busy with production for about 11 weeks now, and hope to finish around April 21st.
The current working name of our product is 'Kaixinguo' which means happy bean, or pistachio, in Chinese. That's about the size of our project now, but it's expected to reach watermelon size around the time of completion.
My 24/7 investment in this project has left me a bit drained and not feeling my best, but we're counting on a wonderful result!

So in short: we're pregnant! There, good news is now officially shared with the world!

Sharing this news with family and friends individually let me celebrate over and over again. Reading and seeing their reactions was so wonderful. So I urge you not to keep good news to yourself, but to spread the word to as many people as you know. Everyone can use a bit of sunshine in this rainy, windy autumn.

Worth Every Minute!

It's that middle of the week again, so time for another article that I'd like to share. If you're looking for more articles to read, you can find the whole collection of Worth Every Minute here.

Today, the article I want to share is one about making friends. In our situation, as English teachers in China, the turn-over rate of other foreigners who come and go is quite high. We are faced with friends leaving every June and meeting new people the next September. So knowing how to make new friends is not a luxury.

Even if you already have great friends (like I do), making new ones can be something that opens your horizons and lets you entertain different points of view. I have learned a lot from befriending Chinese, Koreans, Americans and other nationalities here. It's been eye-opening and very rewarding.

So without further ado, here are some tips on how to make friends:

8 Tips for Making Friends by Gretchen Rubin on The Happiness Project

Let me know if you have tried any of these tips and how they worked for you! I can already tell you that nr. 7 has been a great way for me to meet new people.

No Computer Before Breakfast!

Picture by Erik Hersman

'No computer before breakfast' is one of the rules I like to live by.

Our mornings used to start with turning on the computer and checking emails or stats on the blog. My hubby would play a game or two on-line. Then we'd nag each other a bit about when to have breakfast, and take at least 15 minutes 'finishing' our computer work before getting into the kitchen. Breakfast was an interruption instead of the wonderful start to the day that it is supposed to be.

Now the habit has changed, breakfast is a very nice and relaxing time for us. It's a moment to talk, and to discuss the day ahead.

For many, the first thing we do each morning is turn on electronics. The phone (if you've taken the trouble to turn it off before going to bed), computer or TV become the automatic 'on' button for the beginning of the day. We 'plug in' for the next 16 hours.

But consider a different morning altogether for a change. You wake up (brush your teeth/get dressed/etc.) and then prepare a lovely breakfast. If you want some ideas on how to do this quickly, you can read this post. You sit around the table with your partner/family/roommate (or just take a magazine if you live alone), and enjoy the food and the company.

This is a great time to connect to the people around you before everyone goes on their way and becomes a solitary busy bee. It's also a healthy start of the day since you're eating mindfully and can listen to your body's cues about when to stop. 

So next time you get out of bed and are reaching for that 'on' button, take a moment to think about how you could start the day differently and mindfully. Look at the sky outside, taste your food, talk to those around you. Connect to the day instead of the Internet!

Do you have morning habits to help you start the day in a good way? How long does it take you to get on the computer? Feel free to share your story in the comments! I love hearing from my readers and knowing they are still out there somewhere.

Triple Inspiration: 9/11 Edition

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Today is the anniversary of the worst terrorist attack the world has ever seen. So many lives were lost. So many more changed forever. It's difficult to imagine how different the world would be now if those two towers were still standing.

Ten years ago, I was 16 and came home from school one day to images of utter devastation. In a couple of hours, the world as we knew it had changed forever.

I don't think anyone who saw those images will ever forget them. They are burnt on our retinas. The feelings of that day still seem as fresh and as unreal.

Today I want to share three quotes to commemorate that awful day.

"We acquire the strength we have overcome."

(Ralph Waldo Emerson)

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant."  (Horace)

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."

(Martin Luther King, Jr.)