The Large Effect of Little Things

Image by JJ Harrison

Now couldn't that be a title of a book? Or a movie? Well, it's not. It's the title of this blog post and inspired by a small creature that has been making our lives miserable. No, I'm not talking about our 16 month old, she's actually quite delightful, I'm talking about the musquitoes that terrorize us every night. Neither me nor my dear husband are very tolerant of buzzing, stinging insects, so having heard them once, we'll pretty much drift in and out of sleep for the rest of the night. The next morning we're both horrendously grumpy while trying not to be and the try to forget about the whole thing, only to have it repeat the next day.

... but I'm not one to complain.

Instead, I want to draw a valuable life lesson from it because, well, that's what makes the whole thing seem less annoying and I have something to write about. Hence the title.

Life lesson of the day:

When looking in morose fashion at how incredibly sad, ugly and violent this world is, think of the little mosquito and it's huge effect. I bet there is something that you can do to have an effect that is much bigger than you are as well. No, don't go bug someone by dancing around buzzing and ruining their day. Instead, think of something positive you could do, for yourself or for others. A kind word to someone who looks down could make their day. Treating the office to chocolates could cheer up the entire floor. Taking time to relax could benefit your health in the long run.

Every action we do has a ripple effect on our future, whether it's internal or external (through brain chemistry and body chemistry thoughts become feelings and physcial actions, so internal versus external is really not much of a difference.)

Do something small today and see something big tomorrow. (Or be patient and wait a little longer. You can learn how to patient here.)

5 tips on how to be patient

Photo by Daniel Schwen

Being patient is not a luxury. With how much there is to do every day, it seems like we spend an awful lot of time waiting around for stuff to happen. Think about waiting for the bus, or the mail, or standing in line at the grocery store.

With people too we need to practice patience. If you have children, you'll know what I mean. If you don't have children, think of other peoples' children and you'll know what I mean.

So how do you do it? How do you become a patient person? Below I'll give some tips on how to be patient for those out there who haven't got a clue, or just need a bit of patient advice.

1. Become religious. It's much easier to wait around for stuff to happen if you believe that God/Allah/the Flying Spaghetti Monster has a plan for you that is unfolding as we speak. If you are too old for fairytales, move on to 2.
   
2. Recognize that you have a problem. If you're waiting and hopping, biting your nails, looking left and right, swearing under your breath or, worse, swearing out loud, you may have an issue with patience. Recognize that this is perfectly human and you are now willing to change your misery.
   
3. Take a deep breath and relax. Recognize that the situation you are dealing with is beyond your control (or if it's not, ask yourself why you're letting yourself suffer without changing it, that's just weird!). Try to let go of wanting to control it and just go with the flow. Pay attention to your surroundings and try to observe where you are, who you are with, what it's like to be alive!
   
4. Use your time to let your mind wander. We don't do this nearly enough! Think of something you've been pondering for a while and give it your full attention. I bet you time will be flying by!
   
5. When dealing with difficult people (toddlers for example) try to imagine the other person's state of mind and point of view. Whomever you're dealing with may not be able to think straight (or not have the mental capacity to do so, like the toddler) or feel overwhelmed by emotion. Not a good time to loose your cool. Feel confident that this will change in a couple of hours (if you're lucky) or years (toddler-case).

I've been blessed with quite a bit of patience, but also with a child that's finding new ways every day to test it. Therefore, any extra tips you may have to offer, please shoot them my way!

Moments That Matter Journal

(source)

Forget about minutes that are worth hours. Some seconds in your life are worth centuries and then some because of their intense quality. They are the moments that make up your life and that, put together, might be the one movie you'd never get tired of.

Intense emotion has the ability to stretch time. And some moments have this emotional charge. Looking at my little girl's face, it seems like I'm floating into eternity. And anyone who's ever fallen in love knows what I mean when I say that a look can last a lifetime.

Today, I want to urge you to cherish those moments of pure living in the moment, and to write them down. Keep a Moments That Matter Journal.

Pick a notebook that you can keep on your bedside table (so the size of the notebook kind of depends on the size of that table). In nice, swirley letters, write "Moments That Matter Journal" on the first page. 
Now, every night, before going to bed, think of a moment that day that really mattered. One that you think will stick with you in the long run. 
Mind, this doens't have to be a 'happy happy joy joy' kind of journal. Life's made up of all kinds of moments, and the happy ones are only some of them. Moments of intense pain, sadness, fear, surprise, love, etc., all have a place. 

 What moment in the last week would make it into your journal? I hope you'll share in the comments below! Let me know you're out there!

Triple Inspiration in a Single Minute

It's been a couple of months since I've had the pleasure of gathering quotes again for this blog, and I've missed it. I love the quick inspiration I get from reading a powerful quote and how I can share my thoughts quickly and efficiently.

So here they are again: 3 quotes to start off your week with an extra bit of pizazz.

Get Productive!

“Once you have mastered time, you will understand how true it is that most people overestimate what they can accomplish in a year – and underestimate what they can achieve in a decade!”
(Tony Robbins)

Get Happy!

"The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does." 

(James M. Barrie)

Get Inspired!

"The power of imagination makes us infinite!"

(John Muir)

Set a Priority - Break the Rut

Photo by Stephen McKay

Ever find yourself just going through the motions of life without any particular goal in mind? You go to work, cook dinner, watch TV, go to the occasional family gathering and party, and each year blends into the next without anything changing much.

Coming back to the US after being gone for over 4 years we were surprised to find how little some things have changed, notably the people around us. Our last 4 years were full of exciting goals we pursued and consequently arrived at, so it's sometimes unsettling to see how others get stuck in a rut and don't even seem to notice the time going by. It's mostly unsettling because from past experience I know how easy it is to get into a rut like that, and how difficult it is to escape once you do.

I'll make today's 5 minute task a simple one to get started on creating a life that is meaningful and fulfilling. All you have to do is set a priority. Choose an area in your life: family, health, work, relationships, etc; that you will view as your priority for a certain amount of time. It can be a priority for a day, for a week, a month, a year. 

Then think of what you would like to achieve in this area. Do you want to spend more time with your family? Are you hoping to lose some pounds? Do you want to start exercising more regularly? 
Having this priority set will already make you feel more goal oriented and inspired, and help you set the stage for true action.

I'm someone who'd much rather actively create my life and my circumstances than undergo them passively. It does take energy and effort however, and it is never easy to become pro-active once you're used to the comfort of letting life wash over you. Just keep in mind that you can and should be pro-active about doing nothing sometimes too! Watching TV on purpose because you happen to enjoy a certain show or because you really just want to vege out for a day is totally different from plopping down on the couch cause that's just what you usually do.

What are your thoughts? Are you stuck in a rut? Did you ever break out of one? Share below!

Treasure Your Tears

(source)

In a culture that revolves around happiness, there seems to be less and less room for those moments in between ecstasy. We try to forget that life is made up of more than joyful times and that we experience a whole range of emotions that make life complete.
As a very melancholic child, I was semi-addicted to sadness. I'm not that way anymore. At all! I'm overall a very positive and happy person. But that doesn't mean I can avoid all pain in my life. Or that I would want to. I've recently come across tears more than usual in my life, my own tears and those of others. And today I want to urge you to treasure the tears that make it into your life.

So what's the benefit of feeling sad? How could you savor tears? And why would you want to?

First of all, think about what your tears are telling you. You're unhappy, sure, but why? Something or someone that you deeply care about is affected in a negative way. 
Even if you wish the situation were different, right now, it's not. So rather than ignoring a bad situation, try to accept it and deal with it as it is. 

How can the tears help?
For one, they show you that you have something in your life worth crying over. That, in itself, is a blessing. Life is full of distractions we hardly care about. Nobody cries over a missed TV episode. If it makes you cry, it matters.

But tears are also a first step toward action. They express your grief and carry in them the desire the change the situation that has occurred. If that's not possible, your tears can at least show you that you have come to terms with and realized what happened. You've accepted. You won't cry if you're in denial. Then, grief is a first step to healing.


But don't only treasure your own tears; accept the tears of others also as a window into who they are. It takes a lot of courage for someone to cry in front of another person, and this vulnerability provides the opportunity to really connect and comfort. Having someone feel comfortable enough to do that shows how strong your relationship really is. Don't try to hush up someone's tears, or try to make them stop crying. Instead, accept it and try to receive them with an open mind and an open heart.

So far my opinion on what it means to cry. I realize it's kind of a dark topic, and that I may seem to go a little over the top, but I can't help carrying my heart on my sleeve. If you're a regular reader of this blog, you already know that. If you're new, you may find out soon enough.

I know it's a sensitive topic, so dare I ask?
How do you feel about crying? Be it by yourself or in company, do you try to avoid it altogether?

Triple Inspiration: Winter Edition

Another week gone by. How did it go? Ready for a new one yet? Maybe some quotes can inspire you to look forward to another Monday. I know I can always use a bit of extra motivation to get started.

It's been a wintry week here, so today's quotes are related to the season. It may be my least favorite season, but there are still plenty of things I love about winter.The holidays are an obvious example, but I also love snowy landscapes, winter foods and the crisp clear air of a frosty morning.

Now, without further ado, let's share some quotes.

Get Productive!

"To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring."
(W.J. Vogel)

Get Happy!

"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant: if we did not sometimes 

taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
(Anne Bradstreet)

Get Inspired!

In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.
(Albert Camus)

Get Wintry!

"You can't get too much winter in the winter."
(Robert Frost)

Want to get those quotes every Sunday, and a whole lot of other interesting tips through the week? Sign up for the e-mail updates or the RSS feed at the top right of the page. 

Triple Inspiration in a Single Minute

What are you looking forward to next week? Any busy projects lined up? Dreadful meetings you need to attend? I'm sure that whatever it is you're doing, you could use a bit of extra inspiration. I know I could. So here are the quotations for this week.

Get Productive!

"The use of self-control is like the use of breaks on a train. It is useful when you find yourself going in the wrong direction, but merely harmful when the direction is right."

(Bertrand Russell) 

Get Happy!

In the hopes of reaching the moon men fail to see the flowers that blossom at their feet.
(Albert Schweitzer)

Get Inspired!

We should not judge people by their peak of excellence; but by the distance they have traveled 

from the point where they started. 

(Henry Ward Beecher) 

Have a great week!

Busy Days Require Treats

(source)

How do you keep from getting totally stressed out on your busiest days? If you're not in a 9-5 job (or even if you are) some days are bound to be busier than others. For me, as a private tutor, Friday and Saturday are my busy days, and I need something to treat myself during those days. So I've made it a habit to treat myself after my last class on Saturday, to make sure I make it through those rough days.

During our busy days, it's a great motivator and comforter to be able to look forward to a treat. It can be anything you enjoy: a nice hot bath, a pizza, a movie night with a friend, a nice glass of port. Important is that, just as much as those busy days, it becomes a regular part of your week. 

My treat? On my way back from the school I stop by the bakery to pick up a chocolate muffin. We don't really have cookies in the house, so something sweet really is a treat (unless I bake it myself). Knowing that after my class on Saturday I get those 5 minutes of pure chocolate-y happiness actually has me enjoy the busy hours. 

Rewards don't only work for children or pets, and they don't have to be given by others either. Treating yourself is the only way to make sure that the effort is worth the treat at the end. You're the best judge of your own effort and the reward that fits best.

Do you give yourself a weekly/daily treat? What effect does it have on you?

I love to read comments below! It really helps me get an idea of the post you readers enjoy. For those of you who would like to receive updates of these episodes, you can sign up for the RSS or e-mail feed at the top right of this website!

Remembering Our Veterans

Photo by Tijl Vercaemer

Today is in both Europe and North America an important day. We remember the end of the World War I and all those who fought to protect their homeland and the homes of others. In Belgium and France, which both still carry traces of the trenches and where farmers still dig up bombs from time to time, this day calls us back to a time of horrors that are unknown to us now. But how do you get beyond the ceremony and find a meaningful way to personally remember fallen and surviving veterans?

A great way to pay our respects to the victims and the ones who lived through it is by looking around us and appreciating what peace has brought us. Notice the amount of wealth and stability we can live in, the many young men that are able to pursue other careers than those on the frontiers, and the feeling of safety that we can enjoy. 

But also take a moment to think about those who are still fighting and suffering in wars worldwide. There are people who wake up every day fearing for their lives, and the lives of those they love. Although their problems may seem far off, keeping in mind that our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers were in the same position can help us relate and connect. 

I find that it helps me to remember and appreciate if I try to do some random acts of kindness throughout the day. I pay extra attention to those around me to see if there is some small kind of suffering I may be able to relieve.

Do you do anything special on this day? Does it mean anything to you?

On Being Ignored

Picture by Michael Westley

Today, as I took the bus home from school, I saw two American girls on there that I have noticed before. I've met them once at a party, but we never really talked.Still, it's quite common for foreigners in Yantai to greet each other without ever having met before and strike up a random conversation, so imagine my surprise when I looked at them and they didn't look back but kept on chatting! I took my seat, and at the next stop they got off, walking by me as if I didn't exist (or was just another Chinese person they'd never met before).

The whole thing seemed kind of ridiculous, and I couldn't help wondering the rest of the way home, why they didn't acknowledge that I was there. Perhaps they don't really remember me and feel awkward; perhaps they are severely Euro-phobic, perhaps they thought I wasn't one of the cool crowd, etc. The ideas became gradually more ridiculous.

So next time you find yourself in a similar situation, do what I did in the end: absolutely nothing!
Unless you have a sure way of finding out why someone is ignoring you, just stop worrying about it. Clearly you were not meant to be great friends, and you may not be losing out on much not getting better acquianted with this person. 

Whatever someone may or may not think about you is often more of a reflection of them, than it is of you. You have little to do with other people's perceptions, because that's what they are: perceptions. They are not reality. 

After I gave up trying to figure out why I was being ignored, I looked around and saw how many people do notice me every day: The lady who gave up her seat for me, friends who pass me on their bicycles, students that see me from far away. It can be unsettling to find someone ignore you, but I'm sure it's the exception! 

Worth Every Minute

In my limited reading last week, I came across an article on Re-Psych, a blog I read even if I don't have time for many of the others. It was so eye-opening for me, that I want to share it with all of you. Angeliki talks about little moments we often forget about.

I don't want to give too much away and just gently nudge you in the direction of the post. All you have to do is click the link.

Watch out for the spaces in between by Angeliki on Re-Psych

 For more articles and videos worth reading/watching, click here.

Radio: The Forgotten Companion

Picture by Rafael Kage

How long has it been since you've turned on the radio when you were at home? Just to listen to it while you're doing something else, like household chores? It undoubtedly depends on your age, but I would venture a guess that it's been a while. The exception may be your daily commute, or your morning alarm.
What a shame. Radio is one of the things I miss most from home. The national channels have some great shows on in Belgium, and I loved listening to the British BBC channels as well. Thankfully, on many websites you can now listen to some of your old favorites, or listen to shows you may have missed because of your busy schedule.

Why would you listen to radio instead of keeping the TV on? For one, most radios are much more portable, but more importantly, you can listen while you're doing pretty much anything that doesn't require you to talk or write. 
What's more relaxing than peeling potatoes while listening to the radio, singing along or getting informed and entertained at the same time? Time to dust off that old piece that's been sitting in your closet for years! 
If you don't have a radio, you could use your computer or buy a small one. They're dirt cheap now! A better way may be to ask around if anyone you know (who doesn't read this blog) has a radio they're not currently using. Old radios work just as well as new ones.

You can find radio programming on the station's website. You'll probably figure out which shows you like quickly, and they may even become a part of your daily routine.

Let me know if you find any great shows that I might be able to listen to here in China! I'd love to get to know new stuff.

Tip for the Flemish readers: on the Radio 1 Webplayer you can listen to old episodes of, among others, 'Bromberen', which is such a favorite of mine I've listened to many of the episodes multiple times!

Triple Inspiration In a Single Minute

Another Sunday in which I feel like updating ;-) I admit that the blog has been kind of slow, but I'm now finally starting to feel better (almost no more nausea) so trying to pick it up when I have some free time.

Today's quotes are as much to inspire myself as they are to inspire you, my dear readers. Feel free to add any great ones that you've come across lately to the list!

Get Productive!

"I am capable of what every other human is capable of."

(Maya Angelou)

Get Happy! 

“People tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will descend like fine weather if you’re fortunate. But happiness is the result of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly.”

(Elizabeth Gilbert)

Get Inspired!

"We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact 

that each moment of life is a miracle and a mystery."

(H.G. Wells)

Fall Color Feast

Picture by Lee Cannon

It's that time of year when all around us the leaves are changing color. Every Spring and Autumn I'm torn between which season is my favorite, and this time I'm again noticing all the splendor of Fall in Yantai, China. It's probably the driest season here, which means that the leaves all seem to change color at slightly different times. So each tree has a whole range of different shades going from green to yellow, orange, red and everything in between.

Running around from one place to another, we don't always take the time to notice the changing seasons around us. It seems as if a year flies by unnoticed and we just need one of those little tricks to help us slow down time and make the most of every moment.
One of the ways to make time pass more slowly is by noticing the details around us more. It makes time expand in our mind at the present time and in our memory, because filling your mind with detailed memories of a certain day or couple of hours makes that time feel more intense after. That's why, in our memories, the weekend we spent sightseeing in France seems so much longer than the week of work before (for more on this see this post).

So take a moment this season to notice all the gorgeous colors around you and take a minute to breathe in the fresh autumn air! Sure, it'll come around again next year, but that's no reason to miss out this year.

Being more aware of the present moment is something I strive to about 50% of the time (aka when I'm not asleep these days).
Any other ideas of how to do this? Share your ideas, blog posts, articles, and so on, in the comments below!

Mind-map It in 5 Minutes

As a teacher of writing, I'm often confronted with students who are full of good ideas but just can't seem to get them down on paper properly. Usually they just start writing an essay from the top, and the reader has to dive into a stream-of-consciousness-like monologue that ends somewhere totally unexpected. Since college professors and test center examinators usually don't have much time to appreciate students' writing artistically, it's my job to hand some tools to these students for writing more effectively, more goal-oriented and overall much faster.
One of the things I teach them is to start with brainstorming and writing down all their ideas as quickly as possible. The easiest way to do this? Make a mind map.

The first one to ever introduce the concept of mind maps to me was a professor at Ghent University (Professor Martin Valcke, for those who know him). He taught about the science behind instruction, the different techniques, systems, different ways of testing, and so on. 
He also taught us, and showed us, the value of mind maps. 

To make a mind map, start with the most important concept or idea which you put in the middle of your page. Then, by association, link other ideas and concepts to it, and then again do the same for those new ideas. You'll end up with a system of nodes that will show you the relationship -and degree of importance of that relationship- of each concept to the other. The picture at the bottom shows you a very elaborate example of a mind map on time management.

Mind maps are a great, quick way to get your thoughts, ideas, plans or feelings down on paper and to create room in your mind so you can start using it more creatively instead of for storing information. It's a great learning tool as well! 

I'm just getting back into studying about mind maps and how to use my brain more effectively with the help of The Mind Map Book (Amazon link) by Tony (and Barry) Buzan. It's a fascinating read!

Picture by Jean-Louis Zimmerman

Triple Inspiration: Food Edition

A little later than usual, but here it is still on Sunday: this week's installment of Triple Inspiration. Today I've let myself get inspired by food, which isn't difficult when you think about it 24/7.

If you're looking for more quotes to inspire you during the week, or for more ideas on how to use these quotes, check out the other Triple Inspiration posts.

Get "Productive"!

Never work before breakfast; if you have to work before breakfast, eat your breakfast first.  

(Josh Billings)

Get Happy!

The only time to eat diet food is while you’re waiting for the steak to cook. 

(Julia Child)

Get Inspired
Food is our common ground, a universal experience. 

(James Beard) 

Show Your True You

I did it. I caved and bought myself a 3 month subscription to a VPN service so I can hop that dangerously wired fence called the Great Chinese Firewall.
So there goes all that time I saved not being able to watch youtube videos or check social networks. But at least it also allows me to access this blog without any problems whatsoever! So, totally worth the money!

Picture by Chiara Marra

Today I wanted to talk about something that stood out to me after I posted my last blog post, which was an episode of Triple Inspiration on Sunday. In this post I mentioned one of the books I am currently reading. It's an anthology of atheist quotes. After this post, I found that the next day, 1/3 of my RSS subscribers was gone. Don't worry, my list of loyal subscribers is short, so it wasn't a huge number, but I value all of my readers and was sad to see so many go.
I'm not sure if there was a connection, but somehow I would not be surprised. I've seen people cringe at that information before.
So I thought by myself, whether it would have been better not to say anything and just stay neutral. Just be a sort of generic person that everyone can relate to equally.
But that's not very 'me', and not really the kind of person I would want anyone else to be either. So today's post is an appeal to all of you to stay true to who you are as a person; and to let your own dreams and feelings be in charge of how you act.

There are few things more scary than showing who you truly are, and then being rejected for it. One of the appealing aspects of acting out a role is that you don't have to take any negative responses personally. They don't say anything about you as a person.

Today I want to tell you that even when you are being your true self, negative responses only say something about your relationship with the person who's responding to you. There's no knowing how people will react to you whether you're acting or not. When someone disagrees with you or thinks badly of you, it says as much about them as it does about you. One of the things I've learned in China is that my preconceived notions of politeness and good manners, and my judging of the lack thereof in my students, says much more about my culture than about theirs.

Life is too short to go around trying to be someone/something you're not. I stopped acting like I enjoyed big crowds and loud music because it made me miserable, and frankly, I haven't lost any friends over it. They may think I'm a 50 year old in 26 year old skin, but I like it that way. 

I have a lot of different kinds of friends. With some I agree on almost everything, with others on barely anything. Yet I value them for who they are, and for showing who they really are, even when they know I disagree and may think them foolish. I draw power and inspiration from these people.

What about you?

Triple Inspiration In a Single Minute

It's Sunday again, so time for me to share some more of my favorite quotes. I love using quotes to pull myself through a rough day, or to make a great day even more inspiring. I'll often take a book of quotes and read a couple of pages before going to sleep, because it's so entertaining. Currently that book is The Atheist's Bible by Joan Konner. But there are tons of anthologies out there!

Now, for the quotes of this week:

Get Productive!

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of.”

(Bruce Lee)

Get Happy!

"Moderation. Small helpings. Sample a little bit of everything. 

These are the secrets of happiness and good health."

(Julia Child)

Get Inspired

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."

(Neale Donald Walsch)

For more quotes, check out the entire series here.

Worth Every Minute!

I've read so many great blog posts lately, that I find it difficult to choose one to share. But there was one that I just knew I had to share.
Perseverance hasn't always been the easiest for me, and I still need to be reminded of how important it is to just keep going at it from time to time. Chances are that if you try long enough, you'll eventually get the result you're looking for. You're increasing the odds with every attempt.

Today's article talks about just that. It gives you the reasons you need to keep working at your goals. For those of you who are working toward a goal that seems to be impossible to reach, this could be a great help!

So without further ado:

How to Succeed: Keep At It Until You Get Lucky by Donald Latumahina on Lifeoptimizer.com

Let me know if you enjoyed it as much as I did!

For more worthwhile reads, check out the other posts of Worth Every Minute.