Soothing a Sick Child

J. Bond Francisco

My little girl was sick last week. Two nights of no sleep took their toll on both baby and Mama (and Daddy too, actually) so the time was right for some reminders of how to keep everyone as sane as possible while going through the roughest patch.

A sick child is a different child. Their character changes, but all this is to reflect their new needs. These are some of the things I did to help my little girl feel as well as she could:

A sick child wants to be with someone all the time. If you think about it, that makes perfect sense. When being sick, you need to be nurtured back to health, so being glued to a care-taker is a normal survival instinct. I used my carrier to carry her and let her sleep on my chest.

Special times call for special treats: lots of cuddles, special toys, story time.

When my baby is sick she doesn't care so much for food other than breastmilk. So I nurse her as often as she wants, as long as she likes.

Getting as much sleep as possible during the day is easier when you spend time in bed together, playing, reading books. Even if she didn't sleep like she used to, lying down would help her rest a little.

To keep ourselves somewhat alive during this time of no sleep and lots of crying, Daddy and I took turns taking care of Savannah and tried to focus as much as possible on staying positive: It's only temporary!

Obviously these tips work for short-term illnesses but you may need a whole other set of skills for a child facing a chronic illness. Either way, seeing your child suffer is always heartbreaking and having others around to support you makes a huge difference! Turn to friends, family or the good old internet and accept all help with open arms!

 

 

 

 

 

Let Someone Help

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We live in a culture where independence and self-reliance are valued much more than cooperation or the ability to ask for help. But with that we not only make it more difficult for ourselves, we also limit the people around us. Being able to help a friend, a family member, someone in need, is a great boost to your mood and your feelings of self-worth.

So today I want to urge you to allow someone to help you, because it's a win-win situation. You get someone on your team helping you achieve what you want and you offer the other person the opportunity to feel and do good.

When your partner offers to cook you dinner, when your best friend asks to get you something for your birthday or when a colleague wants to take some work off your desk ... let them!
Remember how enjoyable it is to help someone? Why would you want to take that feeling away from the people that care about you? 
We often feel that accepting help is the same as admitting weakness or that it chips away at our independence. We don't want to be demanding, needy. 
An offer to help, however, is a chance to do something for someone else, too. See it that way and you may discover that you can exchange favors and grow closer instead of each trying to do everything on their own.

I'm in my third trimester and definitely need a bit of extra help. My husband has been great about helping me out, and my sincere appreciation and increased comfort makes it all worth it for him. It draws us closer in a time where it's really just my body going through these changes and the hubby can just see my belly grow but can't feel what I feel. This way we're already cooperating even though the baby is not born yet. It's a wonderful feeling for both of us.

Do you find it hard to let people help you? Do you offer to help others only to find they can't accept your help? Feel free to share below!

Ten 5-Minute Tips for a Happy Marriage

5 years ago ...

Today is our wedding anniversary. The 5th one already and probably the last one we'll be celebrating with just the two of us for a while. After this year, we'll have our little one with us, so we'll be making the most out of the time we have left.

Five years is not a very long stretch, but we have both already learned a lot during this time. We come from very different back-grounds and got married quickly and unexpectedly in order to be able to stay together. That meant we had to figure out some stuff along the way.

One of the reasons we are so happily married is that we love to do stuff for each other. Treating your partner doesn't have to take a lot of time or preparation.
Here are some of the things we have surprised each other with over the years:

1. Do a chore
   We both love to come home and find the place cleaner than we left it. Just a little clearing away can already make a big difference. It doesn't take much time, but the effect is very noticeable. My hubby loves coming home and finding the dishes are done, for example.
   
2. Leave a note
   Finding a note with a sweet message is always a lovely surprise. You can leave them at home or put them in between a book they're reading.
   
3. Give a back rub
   Especially a tense partner, but really anyone, enjoys the relaxing feeling of a massage. Just sneak up behind them and massage the shoulders and neck. It can make someone relax instantly and feel connected again even if they're mind is busy working over-time.
   
4. Bring a treat
   I love it when my husband brings home a chocolate muffin that I didn't expect, and vice versa. We don't do it too often, so it stays surprising.
   
5. Plan some together time
   When we are home together, it's sometimes easy to just each settle by ourselves (him in front of the computer, me doing my cross-stitch) and not take advantage of the time we have together. It's always nice when we make a plan to spend at least some time playing a game together or watching a movie. Be pro-active here and don't wait for your partner. If they are too busy, they'll let you know when you ask.
   
6. Prepare conversation topics
   It's not a sign of a bad relationship if you prepare topics to talk about. My husband and I can talk for hours without them, but we've learned a lot about each other by using a book with couple's questions and working our way through them. There are just so many topics that never get brought up in daily conversation.
   
7. Ask questions
   Communication is vital. Asking your partner questions about their day and their thoughts will make them feel like you really care. Pay attention to the answers and respond to them too. If they ask you something ("How was your day?") be sure to return the question too!
   
8. Say 'Thank You'
   Showing appreciation for what your partner does can make any task seem worthwhile. I wouldn't do the dishes, ever, if I thought my husband didn't care at all. Knowing he appreciates what I do makes me want to do it. It makes all the difference!
   
9. Bring up a fond memory
   You can use pictures or tell the story of a great time the two of you had together. "Remember when we..." It calls up all the feelings of that happy moment and brings them into the present moment. Using photo's and reminiscing about how different things were back then can show you both how far you've come and appreciate the time you've had together.
   
10. Cuddle, hug, kiss
    A hug out of nowhere is the best treat. It's warming, comforting, reassuring, and a great reminder of how loved you are. I've written about kissing before in this post. Want to know about the benefits of hugging? You can read this post too.

What do you do to surprise your partner? If you're single, what do you expect from a partner in a long-term relationship?
Every relationship is different, but there's something to learn from each of them. Use the comments to share anything you want!

Busy Days Require Treats

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How do you keep from getting totally stressed out on your busiest days? If you're not in a 9-5 job (or even if you are) some days are bound to be busier than others. For me, as a private tutor, Friday and Saturday are my busy days, and I need something to treat myself during those days. So I've made it a habit to treat myself after my last class on Saturday, to make sure I make it through those rough days.

During our busy days, it's a great motivator and comforter to be able to look forward to a treat. It can be anything you enjoy: a nice hot bath, a pizza, a movie night with a friend, a nice glass of port. Important is that, just as much as those busy days, it becomes a regular part of your week. 

My treat? On my way back from the school I stop by the bakery to pick up a chocolate muffin. We don't really have cookies in the house, so something sweet really is a treat (unless I bake it myself). Knowing that after my class on Saturday I get those 5 minutes of pure chocolate-y happiness actually has me enjoy the busy hours. 

Rewards don't only work for children or pets, and they don't have to be given by others either. Treating yourself is the only way to make sure that the effort is worth the treat at the end. You're the best judge of your own effort and the reward that fits best.

Do you give yourself a weekly/daily treat? What effect does it have on you?

I love to read comments below! It really helps me get an idea of the post you readers enjoy. For those of you who would like to receive updates of these episodes, you can sign up for the RSS or e-mail feed at the top right of this website!

Remembering Our Veterans

Photo by Tijl Vercaemer

Today is in both Europe and North America an important day. We remember the end of the World War I and all those who fought to protect their homeland and the homes of others. In Belgium and France, which both still carry traces of the trenches and where farmers still dig up bombs from time to time, this day calls us back to a time of horrors that are unknown to us now. But how do you get beyond the ceremony and find a meaningful way to personally remember fallen and surviving veterans?

A great way to pay our respects to the victims and the ones who lived through it is by looking around us and appreciating what peace has brought us. Notice the amount of wealth and stability we can live in, the many young men that are able to pursue other careers than those on the frontiers, and the feeling of safety that we can enjoy. 

But also take a moment to think about those who are still fighting and suffering in wars worldwide. There are people who wake up every day fearing for their lives, and the lives of those they love. Although their problems may seem far off, keeping in mind that our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers were in the same position can help us relate and connect. 

I find that it helps me to remember and appreciate if I try to do some random acts of kindness throughout the day. I pay extra attention to those around me to see if there is some small kind of suffering I may be able to relieve.

Do you do anything special on this day? Does it mean anything to you?